Bind my wandering heart to Thee

"This is going to be the year."

The moment the words left my lips, the thought "yeah, right" replaced them in my mind. 24 years old, and the terror of broken expectations still wraps its fingers around the hope that comes with new beginnings.

I think back on the first day of each college semester. With the fresh start came a new sense of adventure, which meant new goals to accomplish, new relationships to form, new mountains to climb.

Recognize that feeling? The excitement of something beginning. Why, then, does it often seem as if these feelings slip away when the adventure isn't what we thought it would be? 

Suddenly, it's easy to compare ourselves to Israel, wandering in the desert 40 years. Didn't God promise us a new beginning when we trusted Him? Wasn't our journey in faith supposed to take us to the next exciting step in life? 

I have felt like a wanderer. Each day, I continue to journey, expecting and hoping I will soon experience the fulfillment of God's promise to me. 

Then the next step comes, and it's difficult, it's risky, it's not what I expected. And even in the midst of the excitement of simply moving forward, I grow anxious and frustrated that God isn't leading me the way I thought He would. 

Or He tells me to stay right where I am, and the period of no movement at all creates insecurities as I watch others move.

Thinking about Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years, I grow frustrated reading about their lack of faith, their complaining, their sinning out of impatience. I think, "Why couldn't they just be thankful that God led them out of slavery? Did the miracles they witnessed mean nothing to them? Did God's promise mean nothing to them?"

Sound familiar?    

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, to wander is to "move about without a fixed course, aim or goal. To go idly about."

You might compare your life to a wandering Israelite, but your journey with Christ is no more of an aimless journey than Israel's journey. Just like God leading Israel each step of the way, He is leading you if you choose to follow. 

Even in weeks or years when God seems silent, He provides all you need for your temporary rest in the journey. Whenever Israel stopped for a time, it was at a specific place selected by God. He wasn't moving them without a fixed course or goal. 

And He's not moving you without a goal in mind. He's protecting you, preparing you and strengthening you before the next move.  

Believing that truth can encourage you to remain faithful to Christ. Your life is not an aimless journey. God is preparing you for what's next. But it's your choice to spend the journey frustrated and impatient or hopeful and obedient. 

So what do you think? Is this going to be the year?

Trust: It's not a four-letter word

Shattered glass.

In a split second, a smooth, clear sheet of glass can break into a thousand pieces. The edges that, just a moment ago, were smooth and round to prevent cuts could now slice your skin without a second thought.

So it is with trust.

When created, it provides a clear view of someone. You see them for who they are, smudges and all, yet it's in the smudges that we learn where we need to clean the glass.

But like glass, trust can shatter in a split second. With one word, one action, your grip on the glass slips, and it hits the ground.

Why, then, should we even bother building trust with anyone? People lose their balance all the time, causing the glass to fall from their hands. And so we'd rather just keep our glass tucked inside our jacket where we know it will always remain safe.

The thing about trust, though, is that it's something we all crave to use yet fear to use.

Who can you trust?

In his book "The Search for Significance," Robert S. McGee asks a question along the lines of if you aren't willing to trust God, then who are you willing to trust?

When struggling with trust issues, the first question you need to ask yourself is, "Who do I trust?" If you're placing all your trust in another human or even yourself, then there's problem number one.

We're commanded to trust in the Lord with all our hearts (Proverbs 3:5). When we place all trust in someone besides the Lord, we set ourselves and the other person up for failure, and we'll be sure to walk away with even more trust issues.

Why should we need to trust?

Placing our trust in the Lord does not mean only placing our trust in the Lord. God created us as relational beings, and that means we can dare to trust others.

We all have stories from the moments when our glass shattered. Most of those moments include the sting of cuts as we try to pick up the pieces.

But you know what those moments also include? Someone else coming alongside you to help pick up the pieces. Someone who's hands already have scars on them, scars that go much deeper than the sting of cuts. And He tells us to stand up and keep going.

We are not only commanded to trust the Lord, but we're also told to trust others. 1 Corinthians 13:7  tells us that love always trusts.

Not sometimes. Not when it's easy. Always.

This does not mean we trust every person we come in contact with. We are not commanded to trust all. The person who breaks into your neighbor's house, maybe you shouldn't trust that one. The person who shatters glass everywhere they turn, maybe don't trust that one either.

But we're given the opportunity in this life to be vulnerable with people who walk the same road we walk. There are people who desire to know you, live life with you , love you and trust you. Why would you want to keep them at arms length simply out of the fear that your glass will break?

The Challenge 

Trust isn't something we should stay away from in order to protect us. Don't cringe when you think about trusting people. Don't treat it like a curse word, a word you're trying to keep out of your vocabulary.

Here is my challenge to you: Find at least one person in your life who has given you reason to trust. This person has never given you a reason to not trust, yet you're still holding out as a result of fear.

Take your glass out of your jacket. Trust them with it. You may find them stronger than you thought.

How to come back from vacation

Going on vacation always causes the inner struggle of what it means to go back to work.

It means no more sleeping late, no more constantly inhaling junk food, no more sitting in the sand reading for hours, no more snuggling with your nieces and nephews.

Vacation causes you to think: What's the purpose of my work, the reason I'm needed there? Why do I exhaust myself day after day, year after year?

And then come the voices of others: How long do you see yourself there? Are you making enough money to live off of, or do you ever wish you were doing something more closely related to your degree?

While these are all good, genuine questions, they can cause you to doubt why you do what you do.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes and thinking about how all work and toil under the sun is meaningless. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said so, therefore there must be some truth to that statement. So why even bother to go back to work?

Going through the book of Ecclesiastes is a great example of how you should never take Scripture out of context. Simply reading a few passages from Solomon's depressing revelations of meaningless work can cause one to stop and think, "Well, what's the point?"

But you can't stop there. After struggling with thoughts of, "Should I really be doing this," the Lord led me to a passage in Matthew where Jesus sends out the twelve disciples. Paired with Solomon's warnings about meaningless work, I realized that Solomon was right. All work is meaningless. But there shouldn't be a period to end that sentence.

All work is meaningless if you are working for man, but all work is meaningful if you are working for the Lord. 

Jesus told His disciples to go preach about the kingdom of Heaven. He told them take no money, no bag, no extra clothes. He wanted them to be completely dependent on God for their provisions. 

He told them to stand firm, to not be afraid. He promised them that they were worth more than many sparrows, a bird that was nearly worthless in Jesus' day. Jesus pointed out that not one of these nearly-worthless birds were forgotten by God. If the God of the universe did not misplace a single sparrow, why should we be afraid that God will not provide for us in the midst of our work?

Jesus has given us a great task: Go out and tell the world about His good news, no matter your job or your lifestyle. Do not fear a lack of possessions, a lack of income or a lack of security. Know that He provides for you in all things, in all circumstances.

Working is not about what you do, who your boss is or what your friends think about your job. It's about realizing you work for your Creator. Only then will you find meaning in what you do. Only then will you find motivation to come back from vacation excited and ready to go!

When the truth comes by accident

Ever hear a lie in the corner of your mind that you know is a lie?

It starts as a small whisper. You ignore it at first, knowing it's useless falsehood. But then, for some reason, it inches its way to the front of your mind.

Why? You know this is a lie. You know in your head, yet your heart starts to believe otherwise. It's maddening.

This frustrating situation is how we, as Christ-followers, grow discouraged. We grow distracted. All from a single thought we know to be false.

I recently struggled with this dilemma. I knew what I was thinking and believing was a lie, yet I couldn't shake it. I felt powerless. I tried crying out to the Lord, I tried Scripture, I tried talking to people of wisdom.

I wish I could say I knew the reason that nothing seemed to help. I must admit my stubbornness came into play. I hated admitting that I felt this way. I didn't want to appear weak to anyone. And yet I felt like a hypocrite who, like Jesus pointed out, appeared white and clean on the outside yet was dirty on the inside. 

For the purpose of getting my point across, here's a glimpse into the lie I believed: How can God love me uniquely if He loves all perfectly? How could I be special to Him if He would've sent His Son to earth regardless if I were on it or not?

Sounds silly, right? And yet for some reason, I began to believe it. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe Satan wanted to distract me. Maybe he wanted me to doubt myself as a leader. Maybe he just wanted to give me crap because I'm a child of God.

Whatever the reason, God used for good what Satan meant for evil.

The night came when I felt the full weight of this lie. I was driving home and felt burdened by it all. The road I traveled on was foggy and curvy. I let myself crawl into the hole that was this lie right before a little raccoon raced across the road. My foot slammed on the break.

And yet I hit it.

The thud from this hit proved more than I could stand, and I crawled further still into the darkness of that lie. I soon realized that it was too much, and I decided to simply numb the emotions instead of face them.

Knowing this was the wrong thing to do, I ignored the tug at my heart from the Holy Spirit, and I swallowed every emotion until the only thing left was the winding road in front of me.

And the deer that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I don't remember it walking out onto the road. I don't remember seeing it before it was right there. My foot slammed on the break.

And yet I hit it.

I still shudder when I remember the deer turning its head, literally caught in my headlights, and the front of my car making contact.

I cried out to God. Why? Why this? Why now? Haven't I been struggling with enough?

And then what Satan meant for evil, God used for good. 

The Lord gave me a physical representation of the way He uniquely loves me. He protects me, a way that I feel most loved. When I see or hear someone protecting me, I feel more loved in that moment than if they had actually wrapped their arms around me and told me so.

I can't even count the number of times my Heavenly Father has protected me. Physical, emotional and spiritual protection. He has done this for me. Because He loves me. Because He has purpose for me. 

What lie are you believing in this moment? What lie came to mind as you read this? Here's some advice someone gave me, advice that enabled me to see all the ways God protects me.

Write down every way the Lord has proved whatever you are believing to be a lie. Are you believing God doesn't care about the details? Write down every time He has worked out the details for you. Are you believing you have no future? Write down all the times God has brought you through difficult moments.

If you're having trouble combating the lies, when you see the physical proof, those lies don't stand a chance.

Also, remember that you don't need to feel ashamed for those lies. Sometimes we need to struggle first before we can understand more clearly what God desires to teach us.

While saying I'm glad I hit that deer would be a stretch, I'm thankful God brought me out of that dark hole into the light, regardless of the way He accomplished that.

One last thought: If God is trying to get your attention with a little raccoon, don't ignore it and wait until He sends a deer.    

The swans didn't know what we had planned

There are always fun adventures working at camp. One of the most recent adventures included a couple of swans that were donated to camp.

After learning that swans need to live in an enclosed space for a few weeks when they're in a new environment, the guys set up a fence in the lake for the new family members.

Side note, the swans were named Jack and Diane after John Mellencamp's song. But don't feel bad if you have no idea who that is – I didn't until these swans came into our lives, which resulted in gasps and wide eyes of unbelief.

After a few weeks, the big moment of cutting the fence came, and we all excitedly gathered around the enclosure. It was like Jack and Diane knew something was up, because they began to press against the fence, appearing frightened.

The boys cut away at the fence and began pulling at it, creating an opening. With bated breath, we all watched as the swans ... went to the opposite corner of the cut-away fence. What were they doing?

They were so nervous about all the attention and now cheers and instructions from these well-meaning humans, that they pushed harder and harder against the other end of the fence. Soon, feathers were flying off from their struggle.

With one side of the fence still in the ground and the other side in the hand of one of the guys who cut the fence, the opening grew larger as he pulled at it, hoping Jack and Diane would see the opening and swim under it. As he pulled the fence higher, the side in his hand twisted upwards, giving Jack the chance he had been looking for.

But instead of swimming under the fence where the opening was, Jack stepped on top of the side of the fence that was twisted upwards, and he started climbing up the fence, wings beating furiously.

At this, we all burst into laughter. His attempt to climb higher was painful to watch, but he eventually made it up and over with Diane close behind him. Talk about working harder, not smarter!

And yet there was something vaguely familiar about the situation. This might be a stretch, but bear with me.

We can all struggle with feeling trapped where we are in the present. The next step couldn't feel farther away from us at times. It's like we've been swimming around in this fenced-off section of a lake. We can see what's out there: a big, beautiful lake. It looks endless from where we are.

But this fence called the present. It's holding us back from something amazing. We don't know why we're trapped here. We're told it's only for a time, that it won't always be like this. Do we really believe that?

I was struggling with contentedness one afternoon more so than normal, and God spoke to me in a quiet whisper. He said, "If only you knew what I had planned for you."

Wow. I was not expecting that. Like Jack and Diane, I could not see the whole picture. I still don't know what the future holds.

But I know one thing. I won't fight against the fence. When God's perfect timing opens the hole in the fence, I won't be so obsessed with getting out of my current circumstance that I miss the opening. I don't want to search so desperately for a way out that I leave God out of the equation and make my own plans for the future.

Not only does that make everything more dramatic and much harder, but it tells God that I think I know better than He does. How arrogant does that sound?

Also, I want to point out that if we look at our circumstances, we'll see how blessed we truly are. God does not just drop us somewhere and expect us to tread water. There are always people, places and situations to be thankful for.

So what is your fence? Is it your singleness? Your job? Your neighborhood? Whatever it may be, know that God desires for you to hear one thing: If only you knew what He had planned for you. Maybe then we would stop struggling, and we would enjoy the here and now.  

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

How I left what I love most behind me

When I was younger, I would read "God sets the lonely in families" found in Psalm 68:6 and think how lucky I was to grow up in a family of seven. For someone who loves to be around people, this promise rang true in my life.

Growing up with four siblings, two loving parents and a dog who was always around to play with, my family was by my side through thick and thin. My siblings are my best friends, and my parents are two of the wisest people I know. 

But a year out of college has taken me 10 hours away from my family, and I often wonder what God is thinking. While I could be described as an independent soul, and I don't often feel homesick, I do sometimes feel family-sick. 

I ache at the thought of my niece growing up recognizing me mostly from pictures. I hate knowing two of my sisters plan for a bachelorette party for a third sister, something I won't be able to attend. 

When I thought of everything and everyone carrying on with life without me, I cried out in the words of Peter, "I have left everything to follow You!" My cry, however, flew out somewhat bitter, and I immediately heard His calm and loving response of, "Why should I expect anything less?"

In that moment, knowing that following Jesus meant doing whatever it took to obey Him took on a new meaning. If you know there is something or someone in your life that you fear living without, here are a few things to think about. 

• Jesus might ask you to give up what you love most to see if you are willing to follow Him, no matter the cost. 
•  Leaving behind something important to you means you place it at the foot of the cross instead of idolizing it and setting it above Christ in your heart.
• Stepping out of the comfort zone of whatever you love most allows you to strengthen your faith and lean on Him more than you have in the past. 

Jesus explains in Matthew 19:29 that anyone who has left their family or their possessions to follow after Him will inherit eternal life. Knowing you are obeying God despite the difficulties provides comfort in moments of weakness.

So while I left my family behind me on the East Coast, fancy inventions like telephones and Skype, along with cars and airplanes, have enabled me to keep in touch with my best friends and continue to gain wisdom from my parents. 

And God is showing His faithfulness by providing me with a church family and a work family, both made up of people I wouldn't trade away for anything. 

In response, then, to my outburst of telling Jesus what I have left behind for Him, He reminded me that I am not called for anything less than that. We are not called to give just some of what we love. We are not called to follow him halfheartedly. We are called to place everything at His feet and follow Him. No matter what. 

I'll never be content

In the search for happiness and purpose in this life, it can grow frustrating when people toss around the phrase "learn to be content." You hear it when you voice a desire. You tell it to yourself when your left ring finger remains bare. 

I can't even count how many people I've talked with who have discussed the necessity of learning how to be content. I hear sentences along the lines of, "Once I'm completely content with Christ, then ..." (fill in the completion of a desire).

I could not disagree more.

While Paul does state that he learned how to be content, I think we have changed the meaning of this. I have too often heard people use contentment as a way to get what they desire. What they don't realize is this: The kind of contentment they are searching for, they will never attain. At least not on earth. 

I believe we have mistaken Paul's words with an unrealistic expectation. For those who are single, this expectation means they must find themselves completely content with God before He will bless them with a significant other. For those who are trying to have kids, unhappy in their career or nervous about the future, the concept remains the same.

Webster's Dictionary defines the word content as "not needing more." If we push for contentment in order to feel like we don't need anything else in life, we fool ourselves.

We were made for more than this life will ever give us. We were made for eternity.

There will always be a longing inside us that desires the need for something more. A feeling of discontentment. That need is the desire to stand in the presence of our Creator and worship Him forever.  

As a result of this, we can learn how to rely on God more, which is what I believe Paul was referring to when he talked of being content, or sufficient, despite his circumstances. 

  

This is not about arguing over the use of the word content. It's about realizing what we truly desire in being content.

When we can understand that we will never feel content – not needing more – until we stand face to face with our Savior, then we will understand Paul's contentment. It will not come wrapped in our desires or have the appearance of laughter through trial.

It will look like strength to bring us through a place that we were never meant to dwell in alongside evil. It will look like sufficiency to bring us home to Jesus.

Because of this, I know I will never truly be content. Not in this earthly body on this sin-filled planet. I know I will never be able to use the wonderful things God blesses me with each day to feel as if I am no longer in need. While things in this life can bring joy and can truly be good, they will never bring complete contentment.

How will you fill the areas of your life where you feel a desire not met? Will you turn to people, success or property? Or will you fill the voids with the only One who can give us strength until we are made whole before His throne?

Then will we prove completely and utterly content.  

My revelation on war

If I were to use the term warfare, I would imagine that images of tanks, air strikes or soldiers would flash through your mind. Pictures that come from the news, or places on a map such as Iraq or Afghanistan.

But how many of you would imagine a legion of angels? Or an army of enemies desiring your soul?

We tend to forget about the spiritual warfare that rages all around us. Warfare we cannot see the same way we see pictures, videos or, for some, live action of the war going on around the world. Satan thinks he's pretty clever that way.

 And, I hate to admit it, but he is clever.

Satan has us so distracted by the things of this world that we rarely think about the war for souls. Yes, the war against the things of this world hold extreme importance, but Satan can use them to take the thoughts of our minds and hearts off of the battles that last through eternity.

My purpose is not to discuss the theology of spiritual warfare or rant on how Christians need to provide more awareness for it. In fact, I think discussing this subject too often gives the devil a foothold for fear in our minds.

My purpose right now is to simply share a moment when the Lord showed me another aspect of His character.

The way God chose to reveal Himself to me last month was through an intense spiritual battle. I can honestly say I have never felt such an attack on my soul before this.

At the time, I had just told a friend how I was drawing strength the past few days from placing a few things at the foot of the cross. I explained to her what I had been holding on to and how I had finally released my grip on these things that were overwhelming me.

Not 24 hours later, Satan began to test me, asking me through the situations around me if I had truly handed over what I had verbalized earlier that day. Was it really worth letting go of forever?

The worst part was, it wasn't even as if he dangled a cookie in front of my face to see if I would snatch it. He showed it to me just before smacking me again and again with it, allowing it to crumble before my eyes.

What I had just given over to God was presented in front of me to tempt me moments before the rug was pulled out beneath me. While this situation may not have been as dramatic as it is in writing, the enemy intensified every moment, every emotion, to make this weight heavy upon my soul.

It wasn't until that night when I realized what was going on here. Satan hated the decision I had made, and he would command his cohorts to make me as miserable as possible for as long as possible.

Waking up the next morning, I felt exhausted and drained. I knew there was a battle underway. I also knew I was not strong enough to fight.

In His loving kindness, Christ revealed to me that I was never strong enough. I could never win a battle over evil on my own. That is why I left my burden at the foot of the cross.

In that moment, I saw the Lord as my Shield, as my Protector, as the One who goes to battle for me.

While that week proved extremely difficult, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Christ fought for me. Not only did He die for me, but He continues to fight for me. How could I possibly be satisfied with holding on to anything but Him?

So here it comes. The question to leave you thinking. What are you holding on to as Christ fights to protect you? He died for you in the past. He carries your burdens in the present. He will fight and win against the enemy in the future. Does anything compare to a love like that?

The tree I didn't climb

When I took a business trip to Michigan at the beginning of the year, I found myself faced with a choice that appeared ordinary at first. But, of course, God used the ordinary to open my eyes. 

It was a balmy 38 degrees on camp, about 40 degrees warmer than it had been all week, and I ventured out not entirely sure where I was going. Needing peace during my walk, I decided to follow the path that didn’t contain any noise, hoping to steer clear of people. 

Filling this time with prayer, I felt a sense of excitement in wondering what God would reveal to me as I listened for His voice.

The temptation

After about 20 minutes of walking, there stood an amazing tree to my right that caused me to stop. This tree screamed “Climb me!” Its branches stuck out in just the right places for feet to stand on and hands to grasp.

Naturally, my first thought when spying this tree was, “I need to climb it.” So, I left my path and walked to the base of it, staring straight up through the bare branches to the top. It was beautiful.

Before I started climbing, I went through a few scenarios in my mind.

Scenario one included someone important on camp driving past and catching a glimpse of me climbing this tree by myself. After yelling at me to come down, they would see my blue name badge, which signifies I’m full-time staff, and I would feel extremely stupid for doing something so irresponsible.

Scenario two included me half-way up the tree. With the snow forming cold blankets on pretty much every limb, there was a solid chance I could slip and fall during this climb. Then, unable to make the walk back, I would have to call for help and feel humiliation as I explained how I hurt myself doing something so irresponsible.

Both scenarios had my responsibility on the line. Naturally, I started to climb.

I hadn’t even reached the second branch when I asked myself what the heck I was doing. Sure, the thought of climbing higher and reaching for branch after branch was slightly intoxicating, but my responsible side began to take over, and I stepped back on the ground.

As silly as it seems, part of me was frustrated with myself. If someone had been with me, I definitely would have continued climbing. But thinking of what could have happened by myself, when nobody knew where I was, that caused me to pause.

The frustration grew from the fact that I didn’t just throw responsibility out the window for five minutes. Then there was the frustration of the temptation. It really wasn’t that big of a deal when I thought about it. But the consequences could’ve been a big deal.  

While this wasn’t a sinful temptation, more of an irresponsible one, I can still imagine this is how Satan works in my heart. The temptation he dangles in front of me appears minute, silly even. Those who don’t hold to the same set of values would probably make fun of me for not giving into the temptation.

What do you have to prove?

And so it’s easier to give way to the “small” temptations to show I don’t always color inside the lines. I’m not a “stiff” Christian.

How easily I slip, though, on the branches of my temptations. What once appeared innocent and only potentially dangerous has left me wounded and stranded.

The question I have to ask myself is not, “What could it harm to just give in for once?”  I should ask myself, “Why and to whom am I trying to prove myself?”

When temptations come your way, set aside the opinions of others, the whispers of the devil and your own voice trying to talk yourself into it. Focus only on the truth of Christ.

When your focus remains on Christ, you will begin to see beyond the amazing tree waiting for a climber. You will see the icy branches and the empty road with nobody around for miles.

In the end, I know I don’t have to prove myself to others. I don’t even have to prove myself to me. What I have to do is stay on the path, no matter how enticing the tree looks. 

My Journey to Mordor

Time proves a tricky concept. Situations from the past can seem to define us. The future can scare us. Whatever the present holds can easily engulf us.

I have found that many people feel vulnerable and unsure of themselves in the present as a result of what happened in the past or a desire for what the future holds. Similarly, I find myself questioning where my life is headed and what I could possibly accomplish.

I look at my past and long for the little girl I once was, the child who didn't have a care in the world except for the occasional worry of punishment after doing something wrong. I was a pretty good kid, though, so I didn't have to worry about that too much...

I also look to the future and yearn for a life I have yet to experience. Where will I live in 10 years? Who will I marry?  How many kids will we have?

Some days, it feels almost second nature to drift off either in a memory of the past or a dream of the future. All the while, the present too quickly transitions to past, and I have lost my grip on the whole thing. 

I cannot complain in the slightest about my present. I have a wonderful job, a new place to live and a family I can count on for anything. And yet I cannot help but feel somewhat unsatisfied. The source of this feeling has nothing to do with my surroundings or the people in my life. To say it's not you, it's me might sound cliche and slightly dramatic, but I'll say it anyway.

Whenever I watch a movie with an underdog hero who goes above and beyond what everyone expected, I grow slightly unsatisfied with myself. I become convinced that if I had the opportunity, I would destroy the Death Star, I would lead a revolution against the Capitol, I would make that trip to Mordor and destroy the ring. But then I second-guess myself. 

This second-guessing and dissatisfaction emerge from thoughts of, "What am I accomplishing? How do I make a difference each day?" True, rings that require destroying run in short supply, but if I take a closer look, I guarantee I will find rings in my daily life I need to pay more attention to. 

When I bring my mind back to the present and stop glorifying my past, I can learn from the trials and the excitement that God placed in my path, using those lessons to challenge myself each day. Instead of  idolizing my future, I can focus on the task for today. What am I supposed to learn during this season? How am I supposed to glorify Him during this time of life?

Whenever I begin to feel unsatisfied, I choose to take it as a challenge for growth. The Holy Spirit stirs something inside of me, hinting at the fact that God created me to accomplish great things for His kingdom. If I do not strive each day to accomplish whatever God has for me, then why should I feel satisfied with myself?

I choose to grow from my past and not live in it. I also choose to live today in order to become the person God created me to be for tomorrow. And if tomorrow brings a ring of power that requires destroying, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I will continue searching for opportunities to bring Him glory, the only task that will ever truly satisfy my soul. 

When the answer means closing your Bible

When it comes to discipline, I can say as humbly as possible that I'm pretty darn good at it. Give me a goal, and I will set my mind to completing it. I hate giving up on something, and if I do, my conscience eats away at me. I think of discipline as promises I make to myself. If I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I keep promises to others and to God?

Spending time alone with God proves something I know I need to remain disciplined with. Making sure I pray and read the Bible each day definitely sits on the top of my list of keeping promises to God and myself. But what do I do when my heart becomes dry? When I open this book that people say is God's love letter written to me only to read the words without feeling?

These times form a picture in my mind of walking through a desert. I long for a refreshing drink of water, but I find none. It's not that my actions are wrong or my desires are not present, it's just that I cannot seem to find what I'm looking for. And that bothers me.

When I find myself wandering in the desert, it's easy to become frustrated with God. I call out, reminding him that I seek after him each time I open the pages he wrote. So why can't I feel him or see him?

Recently, the search for wisdom has grown more pertinent in my life. I have found myself in a place where I thirst for the truth and the wisdom to determine that truth. There are days when I search through Proverbs and find exactly what I'm looking for in that moment. Other days, I close my Bible not as satisfied.

However, I have begun to think maybe God doesn't desire to reveal some awe-inspiring truth each time we open his word. Maybe he just wants us willing to search for it. Or maybe he just wants us.

The other day, I grew frustrated with the lack of revelation during my time studying the Bible. The day shone brilliantly, and I sat at a picnic table, unable to concentrate as a result of the squirrels chasing each other and the birds pecking at trees, working for their dinner. I flirted with the precipice looming over simply giving up on spending time with God, when I realized that in that moment, having my eyes search the pages of this holy book was not what I needed.

When I came to this realization, I closed my Bible, turned my face toward the sun and closed my eyes. Overwhelmed with a sense of peace, I knew this was my revelation for the day: The beauty of sitting in his presence was all I needed.

Having the discipline of reading your Bible every day is necessary for your growth as a follower of Jesus. However, if you are wandering through the desert, searching for a refreshing drink, maybe you also need to simply turn your face toward the sun and feel him walking beside you.

Stop surviving

As the alarm chimes and my mind awakens before my eyes open, my first thoughts in the morning usually consist of Why the heck am I getting up so early? and How fast will I need to move when getting ready if I sleep 10 more minutes? 

As the day drags on and more problems arise with each passing moment, I tell myself there are only so many more hours before work is completed for the day—I can make it. 

More often than not, I desperately try to survive. I work hard, I enjoy time with friends and family, and I attempt to grow more like Christ each day—something I know those who love and follow Jesus should strive for each moment. However, while I attempt to survive, I often feel tempted to perform the minimum amount of work required. I desire to sleep until the last possible second. I even talk myself out of that extra mile during a run.

When I run, there are usually two distinct thought patterns I follow, which consist of either please help me finish still breathing, or this feels amazing! Basically, I'm either surviving, or I'm thriving. I have to admit that all I could think about this morning during my run was surviving, which enabled me to reach the finish line but made the journey not as enjoyable.

Not unlike the popular Casting Crowns song "Thrive," which tells listeners we were made to thrive, we have a higher calling than to simply go through life surviving. Surviving means to remain alive. Our Creator did not place us on Earth to merely remain alive until we have lived out our days. He created us to thrive, to prosper, to flourish.

It proves hard enough, however, to survive at times. When you don't have a clue as to where the money will come from to pay your next bill, when you watch helplessly as a family member suffers through a crippling disease, when someone walks away after promises of forever, it takes all your strength to hold your head high and survive. How could God possibly expect you to thrive while crushed under circumstances such as these?

Because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4). He has a plan, and you have a purpose. Stop merely surviving. God does not intend for us to crawl to the finish line, hoping we will have the energy to make it still breathing. He also does not intend for us to drag our feet to the finish line, allowing laziness to take control. He intends for us to praise Him with the thanksgiving of how amazing it feels to thrive.

Find comfort in the fact that our Savior knows the pains of this life. Christ knows what it feels like to live in human flesh and experience the problems of this world. Look to Him when you find yourself struggling for survival. Find hope in the blessings He provides each day. Give Him thanks for the gifts He leaves in our paths, gifts that we sometimes miss because we become caught up in the complaints and tears and frustrations that take over when we try to survive.

Seek joy every day. Flourish. Prosper. Thrive. Give Him glory through it all. For we were made to thrive. 

My four-year run

Going for a run has its good and bad moments. In the beginning, you feel fresh and excited for what lies ahead of you. Your legs feel light, your breathing comes easily and your feet happily pound the pavement beneath you.

Then comes the exercise-induced asthma. Your body, once excited to be on the move, wonders why your legs are still pumping and why you are putting your heart through this torture.

This feeling does not last, thankfully. Pretty soon, you hit your stride, and your confidence comes back for round two. Everything feels wonderful until the exhaustion takes hold—for real this time. This is simply not fair. Your body cannot take this back and forth of confidence then fatigue, energy then weakness. You cannot go another step. Your heart is about to beat out of your chest and the sweat rolls down your forehead faster than you can wipe it out of your eyes.

And then you see it. Your goal. The light at the end of the tunnel. At that moment, you know you can complete this run. It’s a sprint to the finish line.

I have been on a run for the past four years. When I first stepped onto Liberty University’s campus as a freshman, I felt exhilarated and excited for where this path would take me. With each semester, moments of confidence and moments of exhaustion came hand in hand. There were times when I felt as if I could sprint the entire way, while other days, all I could do was keep my head down and keep running.

Now that the finish line is not only in sight, but it’s also a few strides away, I cannot believe how far I have run. The feeling of accomplishment builds with each step, but the memories of the different paths I took to arrive here overwhelm me. And I know, beyond all doubt, that the only way I made it this far was from the strength of Jesus Christ. Each time I stumbled, every time I began taking the wrong path, he restored my balance and my sense of direction.

As I cross the finish line and receive my diploma May 10, my run at Liberty will officially conclude. The evenings spent playing Frisbee, the countless hours working in the Champion office or studying, the late nights talking with friends—these will all be a thing of the past. I could easily say how bittersweet this all feels, which would be true, but I must admit that an excitement for my next run has taken hold, and I look back on these four years with a sense of accomplishment, not sadness.

While I may ache for a short time after this run finishes, I know I am stronger as a result of it all. The bumps and bruises I received along the way prove that I fought my way through even when it hurt. Thankfully, I took in the sights and sounds around me as I ran, stopping to watch the sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains every now and then.  

Now, I look back and encourage those still running with a piece of cliché advice, but one that holds true nonetheless. While it may seem as if the end will never come, and a moment arrives when your lungs burn with each breath followed closely by a moment when you pick up momentum as you glide down a hill, remember for whom you are running. Yes, there are moments for crying and moments for laughter, but each one was given to you for the purpose of giving it back in praise to our God. Then, you will not only cross the finish line, but you will cross with joy and with your hands raised in accomplishment and in praise.

Why God's Not Dead

The recent release of the movie “God’s Not Dead” has stirred Christians and non-Christians alike, causing many to run to their computers and post their thoughts and opinions on social media as to why Christian films continue to miss the mark of good filmmaking. 

I must agree that Christian films lack a quality that the big names in Hollywood create on a regular basis, and “God’s Not Dead” is no exception. Cheesy scripts and bad acting continue to plague faith-based films, and I have begun to expect this whenever I sit down to watch a Christian movie.  

However, I went into the theater with high hopes for “God’s Not Dead,” and despite the occasional chuckle at the poor performance of a few of the actors, I thought this movie showed more professionalism than other Christian films of the same budget.  

Despite this, many have taken the release of another unashamedly Christian movie as an opportunity to bash the Christian filmmaking industry. John Speed, a Christian blogger, published his opinions on his blog Gospel Spam, stating "God's not dead, but Christian screenwriting is." His argument provides positive qualities of the movie, but the majority of his blog states this movie is littered with blasphemy. 

"God does not need us to defend him, as the hero of this movie states," Speed wrote. "The atheist needs us to declare the truth to him so that he can be rescued from the wrath of God. To state the former and miss the latter is blasphemous. When we — even with the best of intentions — place God on trial in our personal evangelism or in big screen movies, we give the enemies of God occasion to blaspheme. And they are doing exactly that." 

Others made comments on the website Rotten Tomatoes such as “God may not be dead, but I'd be willing to wager this movie at least gave him a faint wave of nausea.” However, despite the fact that the website awarded the movie with a 20 percent rating, the general audience gave it 87 percent.  

I would have to agree with the 87 percent of people who voted for this movie. While some, like Speed, believe that evangelism should be left to "everyday Christians," and "Jesus did not command us to go into all the world and show movies," we, as Christians, have the responsibility to reach as many people as we possibly can with the hope of the gospel. And this movie does just that. 

True, the evidence provided by the young college student in his defense of God may not give airtight proof for the existence of God, and not all atheists show the same hatred as the professor in the movie shows, but the story was powerful and provided an unashamed message of our forgiveness in Jesus Christ.  

As with anything in the public’s eye, critiques, both positive and negative, come with the territory. But the critiques from Christians should not simply bash an industry that is continuing to grow. True, it is frustrating to watch faith-based films with the expectation that they will not be equal to that of a film produced in Hollywood, but how helpful is it to those who create and write these films when all they hear consists of reviews that tell them how terrible their work is?   

If there are aspects of this movie that contradict our beliefs, as Speed felt, then this is an opportunity to take a deeper look at the Bible and decide how we would provide our own answers if someone told us God is dead. Will we all have the chance to stand up in front of a class and an atheist to defend our beliefs? Probably not. But this movie provides an example of how necessary it is to be able to defend your faith, regardless of the quality of the script or the performance of the actors. 

1 Peter 3:15-16 says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

 
 

Satan's web of lies

The words come quietly, carried by a soft voice. These words give solutions, they provide excuses. They show the easy way out of any situation. The subtle thoughts that make their way inside your own are easily mistaken for truth. Only after the poison sets in do you realize the danger.

It's been occurring since the Garden of Eden, when Satan took the form of a serpent and whispered in Eve's ear the words that led to the fall of man. I have always wondered why Eve did not turn her back on him and face the truth. But Satan had taken another form. He did not approach her and say, "I am God's enemy, and I am about to feed you a lie in order to separate you from the Creator."

Satan played off of her pride, off of her desires. He knew exactly what to say in order for her to convince herself that what he said was truth. Satan does not know our thoughts. He cannot read our minds. But he is extremely smart and cunning. He has mastered the art of whispering to us at the exact moment we let our defenses down, when we think we are strong enough to resist.

Why did Satan approach Eve at that moment? Could she have been near the tree, staring up at the fruit? Was she watching the sun shine through the branches, wondering why God had placed a barrier between her and this source of sustenance? Or maybe thoughts of accomplishment at obeying God's words crossed her mind.

Whatever the situation, Eve was in a position where Satan knew she would be most likely to fall. This was not a chance meeting.

In today's culture and society, Satan is not given enough credit. There are too many movies about demon possession, too many mental disorders that pills are supposed to cure, too many situations where we blame the corruption of our culture. Satan has brainwashed us to not think about spiritual warfare. He has convinced us that he does not come in serpent form anymore.

This semester, Satan has fed me more lies than I ever thought possible. He had me convinced of things that I thought I had under control. He hit me where I thought I was strongest. It was not until I was stumbling over his web of lies that I realized what was happening. It wasn't until I turned every single lie over to God that I realized the truth.

But God is not just watching from above, wringing his hands, hoping we will realize the devil's mask. He desires us to know the truth, because the truth sets us free. Now that I have become aware of Satan's deception in my life, God has provided me with wisdom in discerning what is truth and what is lie.

And since Satan cannot read my thoughts, I make sure to let him know verbally every so often that he has no power over me. Because my God is greater, and he has set me free.

Philippians 4:8 ~ "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Never enough time

There's never enough time. Never enough time to perfectly complete all the work that is required of you. Never enough time to enjoy a night out with friends without thinking of what awaits you on your desk the next morning. Never enough time to relax with a cup of coffee and a good book, because there is always that nagging thought of, "Shouldn't I be doing something productive right now?"

On the spiritual side of things, the hands of time never seem to work slowly enough to allow for a morning with just you and Jesus. There's just too much to do, and a few verses or chapters along with a quick prayer is about all you can handle these days.

Our culture is extremely fast-paced, planting the notion in our mind that a moment's peace is hard to come by. If we ever are blessed with the chance to take a break, society tells us to make that break about us. Watch a movie. Stalk people on Facebook. Peruse Pinterest for a new recipe. Just let your brain go numb in order to relax. 

I have often felt the pressure of not having enough time. I fill my schedule to the point where I barely have time to breathe, because I have given in to our culture's fast-paced way of life. And despite the fact that I have done this to myself, I worry that I will not accomplish everything and have time for myself.

But when I do have those quiet moments, those times where I can take a breath, how am I spending it? I have begun to realize that with every worry of not having enough time or every moment that I take for myself, I am eating away at my time with God, the one who created time.

How am I filling my thoughts, my quiet moments? How often do my fingers move the cursor to open Facebook? How many times do I slip that DVD into the player and let my brain turn off for a while? 

It is when I dwell on these questions that I come to the realization that I have completely ignored moments God has created for me to spend with him. I have filled times of peace with all things that will bring me anything but peace. 

It is time for a change. Time to begin filling these moments with him who created these pockets of freedom from my hectic life. He gave me these moments to recharge, and I absolutely cannot recharge by disconnecting from reality through TV or by staring at the reality of others through Facebook. 

When I fill these treasured times with thanksgiving and with conversations with my Savior, it is then that I will feel the peace and rest from the busyness. I need to stop stressing about the stress in my life whenever I have a moment to breathe. 

There will always be 24 hours in a day. There is always enough time. It's just about deciding what to do with the time that you have. 

A change of plans

I can remember a time when I had my life figured out – everything from what I wanted to be when I grew up to what I would major in to where I wanted to live. I was confident and felt blessed as I entered college and completed my first year, knowing my life plan while others around me seemed to gasp for air at just the thought of what would happen after college.

All that changed over the course of my second year as God began to speak to me in different ways. I knew he was telling me my life was not going to follow the path I had previously desired. I knew I needed to make a change. But I felt so comfortable, so set in my plans that I resisted. My first year of college, everything went the way I planned. I wasn’t about to change my life goal, everything I had worked for, just like that.

Fortunately, the more I resisted, the more miserable I became. I felt as if I were carrying a burden. My heart became heavy. I was scared, and I knew why. I thought God was asking too much of me. I grew nervous with the thought of him desiring me to do something I was not ready for. This was my life, after all, and I had a plan.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

I wish I could say these words belong to me, my response to God’s gentle whispers. But these were the words of a young teenage girl after being told she would become pregnant through the Holy Spirit and give birth to a son. Not knowing what went through her head after hearing this, these words are all we have for understanding the character of the one who was highly favored by the Lord.

Hearing the words of the angel, Mary must have known the social ramifications this would bring for her and her family. I wonder if she was too overwhelmed at the time to think about it or if the fear of being stoned was in the forefront of her mind. Either way, her reaction is unbelievable. Her innocence is revealed in her question of how this would happen, which is followed by her response of faith and obedience.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

This change in Mary’s life plan could have killed her. It could have lost her the man she was betrothed to. It could have caused her family to completely disown her. And her response? Complete trust that God had it all under control. Knowledge that she is not the author of her life, but she is the servant of the Lord.

I wish this had been my own response as God told me my life was about to change. Yet I resisted, and I didn’t even have to deal with the fear of death nor the fear of losing family over this change. Mary is one of the most inspirational women of history because of her obedience. We are not in control of our future. We do, however, have the choice of either obedience or resistance.

When I gave my future over to God and changed my major, which drastically changed everything about the direction of my life, I felt an unexplained peace. The burden vanished, my heart was no longer heavy. Now, with one semester left of college, I cannot imagine doing anything else. How could I not have trusted that God knew what he was doing? Why did I believe the lie that Satan fed me about not being ready to be used by God?

Mary was greatly troubled when the angel first revealed himself to her. But her fear did not stop her from trusting God and following the path he had for her. My prayer is that with each opportunity and each change God brings into my life, I will learn from my past and learn from Mary as I respond to the Lord.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

  

   

Storming the beach

Imagine staring death in the face. Imagine knowing that you are about to die in a foreign country, and the majority of people whom you are dying for do not even know your name. Now imagine having the courage to continue on in the face of this almost certain death.

The men who fought gallantly during the D-Day Invasion did not have to imagine these things. They lived each one June 6, 1944. As 160,000 Allied troops approached the French coastline, there was no time for second guessing and no time for turning back in fear. There was only moving forward.

It takes more than courage to do something like that. It takes the belief that what you are fighting for is of greater worth than your life. These soldiers clearly believed that protecting this country, and the world, carried more importance than their own life. They were able to put aside everything of comfort and familiarity for the future of millions of people.

“We've got to remember the folks who did it and those who still do it – the one percent who go into harm’s way for the benefit of the (other) 99 percent,” Dave De Soucy, a retired officer who served in combat during the Vietnam War, said in an article on the United States Army’s website.

This day in United States history could arguably be one of the most important days in our past. This was the beginning of the end for Hitler. It was a huge step in ending World War II. But it was also the end of thousands of soldiers. Their last act on this earth was fighting for freedom for not only their family, but also for strangers.

How should this knowledge affect the way we as Americans live our lives? Should knowing that men who fought nearly 70 years ago to ensure that we can live in freedom influence us in any way?

If this knowledge affects anything, it should at least affect our pride in this country and in our soldiers. We should take pride in the fact that these men took enough pride in their country to give up their lives for its safety and for the safety of those living in it.  

“It is important that (people) recognize that the freedoms they enjoy today are a result of the sacrifice of millions of people from all over the world that ensured their liberty,” Joseph W. Westphal, under secretary of the Army, said in another article on the United States Army’s website. “No greater act of bravery was ever carried out than that of millions of citizen soldiers, and civilians, who faced and defeated tyranny and rebuilt this country and the world.”

This day should be an inspiration to those of us who may never stare death in the face. It should inspire us to be strong and stand up to whatever our personal Normandy beaches are. And, just as Dwight D. Eisenhower said, we should “accept nothing less than full victory” when we storm these beaches.

Killer clowns and paranoia

‘Tis the season to find your inner child through the completely acceptable tradition of dressing up as anything your heart desires, no matter your age. It is also the season of willingly paying money to walk through a dark house filled with goblins and clowns bearing chainsaws who jump out at you from corners, giving you what feels like the beginning of a heart attack.

I cannot watch horror movies, and I am petrified of clowns. But for some reason, I love walking through haunted houses. There is something oddly exciting about knowing that at any second someone or something could jump out in front of my face, causing me to scream in fear and cling to whomever is nearest me at the moment.

Knowing it is completely fake, and each person causing me to break out in a cold sweat is simply your average Joe with some clown makeup on, dispels any fears of actually being cut up into tiny pieces by the clowns with the chainsaws. Besides, according to a study done by the University of Westminster, you can burn more than 100 calories just from watching a horror film. Imagine how many you burn walking through a haunted house.

Each year, Liberty University puts on Scaremare, a haunted walk through creepy woods and an old house. Clowns, masked figures, insane people and goblins terrorize those walking through. Thankfully, they are not allowed to touch you, but they sure love getting up in your face or whispering in your ear.

Always traveling in groups of about six or seven, this year a young gentleman joined my group after losing his group, or so he told us. Walking through the haunted house, he stayed in the front, pointing out to us any hidden figures ready to pounce. He seemed to know exactly where to go through the maze of hallways, and my friend and I began to speculate if he really lost his group or if he worked for Scaremare. We questioned him, wondering if this was all a plot to gain our trust before turning on us and terrifying us in some way or another.

Denying our accusations with a smug little smile and a shake of his head, he continued to lead us on, and we continued to follow him, not knowing what else to do but accept the inevitable Mr. Hyde when the time came. After all, we knew the whole thing to be fake.

Well, as it turned out, walking through haunted woods and a creepy old house heightens paranoia because the poor kid really did just lose his group. I wonder what was going through his head as we told him that, since we were convinced he was a worker, we would not come save him if a clown dragged him off into the woods in an attempt to frighten the innocent college students.

I think it’s interesting how often we do this in our everyday lives. In today’s culture, we expect the worst. We find it a normalcy to hear about people enduring persecution, someone getting shot in Baltimore or a patient dying of cancer. Not to say we just shrug our shoulders and say “such is life,” but it has become something that we expect in this day and age.

On the flip side of that, when something like a faith healing or the pope washing the feet of prisoners occur, we look for another explanation. The faith healing was probably a hoax, and the pope probably had ulterior motives for his actions. Because we are so used to forgery and evil, it is difficult to take off our rose dipped in poison colored glasses.

I wonder how often God just smiles and shakes his head at us when we don’t believe that he is doing something wonderful in our lives because we are too caught up in figuring out how the good is actually out to get us. I know I am guilty of doing this. God will bless me with so many good things, and yet I cannot enjoy it because I will wonder when the world will rip the rug out from under my feet, causing me to fall on my face once again.

God desires to bless us and provide us with situations in life where we are reminded of his grace and goodness. There is evil in this world, and unfortunately we do not need to look too hard to find it. But God is leading the way through it, pointing out when to be strong against the attacks of the devil. We just have to trust he is going to work out everything for our good. We have to stop looking for excuses to not trust. We have to follow even when we don’t know where he is leading, even when we don’t know what he is planning.

The beauty of this is we do not have to worry that he is going to turn on us and then laugh as we recoil in fear. We can have absolute faith and trust that he is on our side, and he will lead us out of the darkness and away from the clowns hiding in corners. All we have to do is follow.

After his family approached him at the end of Scaremare, and our pride took a slight blow with the realization that we were wrong the entire time, my friend and I laughed at our paranoia. We knew how ridiculous we must have sounded in the midst of all our accusations and distrust. If we had just believed him from the start, it would have saved us a lot of added extra fear. But then again, I guess we wouldn’t have burned as many calories.   

From atop the solo challenge

Approaching the high adventure solo challenge, I surveyed the situation at hand and knew at once that something was not quite right. The middle school kids who were supposed to be climbing into harnesses and strapping on helmets to take their turn climbing up the 20-foot pole were sitting off to the side. Glancing toward the top of the pole, I saw one of the middle school boys in a squat position, hands clutching his knees, face twisted in fear and concentration.  

I walked up to my coworker who was belaying for the poor kid whom I’ll call Jeff, and I asked him how long Jeff had been on top of the solo challenge. It is not uncommon for people to climb up the pole quickly, get on top and then freeze, too scared to jump off. At this point in time, I was told that Jeff had been atop the pole for about an hour.

This was already an impressive feat. Not only was it extremely hot, but Jeff was also squatting, too scared to stand up straight for fear of losing his balance. The kid had some legs of steel to endure that position for an hour. Despite the encouragement and cheers from his fellow campers and from the SpringHill staff present, Jeff was unwilling to make the leap.

 

The nerve-wracking thing about the solo challenge is that once someone reaches the top, the only way to get down is to jump. Each camper is harnessed in, of course, so after the jump, the camper hangs from the harness as the belayer slowly lets them down. So logically, there should be no fear of getting hurt or falling.

One thing I found interesting as I would belay campers is that many of them would ask the same exact question: “If I fall, will you catch me?” My answer was always the same as I replied with, “Yes, you can trust me. I am not letting go of this rope and, even if you fall, even when you jump, I will never let go.” At this point, some of them would close their eyes and jump. Others, however, would hear my words, but the shaky pole under their feet and the ground so far beneath them proved too much, and they gave into their fears and would not budge.

I never understood why they would rather stand atop that pole for long stretches of time, staring at the distance between them and solid ground, knowing that the only way was to trust me and jump. I never understood until I looked at it from another perspective.

I have been learning a lot about prayer recently. There are some major steps that I have to take soon, and I have been praying for God to give me wisdom and to reveal to me how he wants me to take these steps. These are some scary steps. Steps such as leaving the country for three weeks and figuring out what to do after graduation. Until now, the adrenaline has kept me moving. Just like my campers, I have raced to the top of the pole. But now that I am at the top, the only thing to do is take that leap and trust that God is going to catch me.

Staring into the future is like staring over the top of that pole. It is intimidating, and I know that on my own I would never make it. But God is right there, telling me, “Yes, you can trust me. I am not letting go of this rope and, even if you fall, even when you jump, I will never let go.” And so now the choice is mine. Do I trust him and jump, believing that he is holding onto me, or do I tremble at the top of the pole, letting the fear of failure and potential hurt hold me back?

Jeff squatted on top of that pole for two solid hours. By the time he was on the ground again, his face was red from tears, sweat and sunburn. My coworker had his own sunburn, as well as some impressive blisters from holding the rope steady for two hours. But he never let go.

I jumped off of my pole recently, and the relief was immediate. God has proven his faithfulness again and again, and I am overwhelmed by it all. I understand how easy it is to let fear take hold and paralyze any action or trust, but do not let that take over and consume, or you will never know what it feels like to have your feet on solid ground.