Give me s'more SpringHill

I don’t think I will ever get used to the way God works. He uses the most random and unrelated situations to bring us right where he wants us. I experienced this last fall after walking into a job fair expecting to come away with contacts for future jobs or internships. I walked out with a pamphlet in my hand and a calling in my heart to do something I have never desired to do before: work at a summer camp.   

Through a series of events orchestrated only by God, a week after I left Liberty in the spring, I walked onto the campus of SpringHill in Indiana. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew that if God had gotten me this far, he had something in mind for me for the next 10 weeks.

 I was wrong. God did not have something in mind: He had multiple things in mind. I have never experienced such a time of trial, heartache, joy and beauty. God revealed to me things about myself that I did not want to face. He opened my eyes to some harsh realities of life as well as to his overwhelming compassion.

 I could fill pages and pages with different stories that reveal how God worked in my heart during my 10 weeks at SpringHill Camps. But for the sake of my time and yours, I will simply share this one story.

 One of the amazing opportunities I had over the course of the summer was talking with the middle school girls each Wednesday night after sharing my testimony. It was a time when I answered questions, provided a listening ear or was simply a shoulder to cry on as girls told me their own stories.

 During training, we talked about what would happen during these times and how best to respond. Going into the first week of campers, I was excited at the thought of telling my story and being there to respond to the needs of these girls. I was thrilled at the thought of praying with girls to accept Christ.

 Each week, I talked with different girls and heard everything from desires to learn the best ways of witnessing to fears of going back to a home filled with verbal and physical abuse. Each week, I was struck with the realization that, similar to Moses, I am not eloquent when it comes to speech. I was also struck with the realization that, similar to the disciples, I struggle with pride when it comes to my faith.

 As foolish as it may sound, I heard the stories of my counselors and coworkers praying with campers to accept Christ and, although I was filled with joy and excitement, there was a part of me that grew jealous. Praying with campers was not an uncommon occurrence for me, but I had yet had the opportunity to pray with a camper to surrender to Jesus. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

 Satan fed me lies such as not having a powerful enough testimony, and I irrationally believed him. He played off of my pride of wanting to be able to say I had led girls to Christ and used it to fill my mind with doubt and self-consciousness.

 It was extremely humbling when I realized how I was letting my pride and my insecurities keep me from truly letting the Holy Spirit speak through me. The last Wednesday night of sharing testimonies approached faster than I expected, and I was faced with the decision to spend another night allowing myself to succumb to the devil’s lies or give it all to Christ through prayer. Thankfully, I chose the latter and another name was written in the Book of Life that night, as I had the amazing experience of praying with one of my girls to accept Christ.

 At that moment, it was no longer about being able to brag on the fact that I was spiritual enough to lead someone to Christ. It was about being able to brag on the fact that Jesus can use any and every situation to bring someone to him, whether that someone is a middle school girl rising above the doubt and surrendering to him or a college senior laying down her pride and insecurities at the cross.

 My time at SpringHill grew me in my faith like nothing I have ever experienced. The realization that Christ used me, despite my failures and human pride, is extremely humbling. And the realization that God knew exactly what would result from my walking into that job fair gives me goose bumps.

 God is bigger than the individual boxes we all place him in when we try to figure out the future or when we doubt that he will actually work through us, mere stumbling humans. He burst the box I had put him in wide open, and I am not willing to fall into the trap of putting him in another one. My God is greater than that, and he has a plan and a purpose for every situation. We just have to be willing to let go of the pride, excuses and insecurities, and watch him work.