My Journey to Mordor

Time proves a tricky concept. Situations from the past can seem to define us. The future can scare us. Whatever the present holds can easily engulf us.

I have found that many people feel vulnerable and unsure of themselves in the present as a result of what happened in the past or a desire for what the future holds. Similarly, I find myself questioning where my life is headed and what I could possibly accomplish.

I look at my past and long for the little girl I once was, the child who didn't have a care in the world except for the occasional worry of punishment after doing something wrong. I was a pretty good kid, though, so I didn't have to worry about that too much...

I also look to the future and yearn for a life I have yet to experience. Where will I live in 10 years? Who will I marry?  How many kids will we have?

Some days, it feels almost second nature to drift off either in a memory of the past or a dream of the future. All the while, the present too quickly transitions to past, and I have lost my grip on the whole thing. 

I cannot complain in the slightest about my present. I have a wonderful job, a new place to live and a family I can count on for anything. And yet I cannot help but feel somewhat unsatisfied. The source of this feeling has nothing to do with my surroundings or the people in my life. To say it's not you, it's me might sound cliche and slightly dramatic, but I'll say it anyway.

Whenever I watch a movie with an underdog hero who goes above and beyond what everyone expected, I grow slightly unsatisfied with myself. I become convinced that if I had the opportunity, I would destroy the Death Star, I would lead a revolution against the Capitol, I would make that trip to Mordor and destroy the ring. But then I second-guess myself. 

This second-guessing and dissatisfaction emerge from thoughts of, "What am I accomplishing? How do I make a difference each day?" True, rings that require destroying run in short supply, but if I take a closer look, I guarantee I will find rings in my daily life I need to pay more attention to. 

When I bring my mind back to the present and stop glorifying my past, I can learn from the trials and the excitement that God placed in my path, using those lessons to challenge myself each day. Instead of  idolizing my future, I can focus on the task for today. What am I supposed to learn during this season? How am I supposed to glorify Him during this time of life?

Whenever I begin to feel unsatisfied, I choose to take it as a challenge for growth. The Holy Spirit stirs something inside of me, hinting at the fact that God created me to accomplish great things for His kingdom. If I do not strive each day to accomplish whatever God has for me, then why should I feel satisfied with myself?

I choose to grow from my past and not live in it. I also choose to live today in order to become the person God created me to be for tomorrow. And if tomorrow brings a ring of power that requires destroying, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I will continue searching for opportunities to bring Him glory, the only task that will ever truly satisfy my soul. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Playing the martyr, growing impatient, holding a grudge. All these things, plus more, can easily make sense in our minds. In fact, we can even explain away most reasoning when someone we love calls us out on these attitudes. We feel, in many cases, that we have the right to our attitudes because of what we have gone through or what someone has done to us. These verses say otherwise.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a ~ "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Whenever I read these verses, I am struck by two truths. Since God is love, all these things are true about His relationship with me, and it's a good thing I am saved by grace, because I do not embody these characteristics. 

I am in the process of memorizing these verses. Sure, many of us have grown accustomed to the flow and rhythm of it, but how often do you stop at each one of these characteristics and think of areas where you need to improve the way you love others and the God who loves you perfectly? 

My initial reaction to this challenge for myself brought cringes and excuses as to why I didn't need to spend time on that. My hope and prayer is that you can move beyond whatever excuse you just thought of as you read this in order to grow into the man or woman God created you to be. Strive for more.    

When the answer means closing your Bible

When it comes to discipline, I can say as humbly as possible that I'm pretty darn good at it. Give me a goal, and I will set my mind to completing it. I hate giving up on something, and if I do, my conscience eats away at me. I think of discipline as promises I make to myself. If I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I keep promises to others and to God?

Spending time alone with God proves something I know I need to remain disciplined with. Making sure I pray and read the Bible each day definitely sits on the top of my list of keeping promises to God and myself. But what do I do when my heart becomes dry? When I open this book that people say is God's love letter written to me only to read the words without feeling?

These times form a picture in my mind of walking through a desert. I long for a refreshing drink of water, but I find none. It's not that my actions are wrong or my desires are not present, it's just that I cannot seem to find what I'm looking for. And that bothers me.

When I find myself wandering in the desert, it's easy to become frustrated with God. I call out, reminding him that I seek after him each time I open the pages he wrote. So why can't I feel him or see him?

Recently, the search for wisdom has grown more pertinent in my life. I have found myself in a place where I thirst for the truth and the wisdom to determine that truth. There are days when I search through Proverbs and find exactly what I'm looking for in that moment. Other days, I close my Bible not as satisfied.

However, I have begun to think maybe God doesn't desire to reveal some awe-inspiring truth each time we open his word. Maybe he just wants us willing to search for it. Or maybe he just wants us.

The other day, I grew frustrated with the lack of revelation during my time studying the Bible. The day shone brilliantly, and I sat at a picnic table, unable to concentrate as a result of the squirrels chasing each other and the birds pecking at trees, working for their dinner. I flirted with the precipice looming over simply giving up on spending time with God, when I realized that in that moment, having my eyes search the pages of this holy book was not what I needed.

When I came to this realization, I closed my Bible, turned my face toward the sun and closed my eyes. Overwhelmed with a sense of peace, I knew this was my revelation for the day: The beauty of sitting in his presence was all I needed.

Having the discipline of reading your Bible every day is necessary for your growth as a follower of Jesus. However, if you are wandering through the desert, searching for a refreshing drink, maybe you also need to simply turn your face toward the sun and feel him walking beside you.

Psalm 25:4-5

Sometimes, I grow distracted with other voices and how easily I can believe people's words at face value. There are days when Satan spews lies toward me in many different forms. This simple prayer guides me in the truth that Christ desires me to strive for and live in each day.

Psalm 25:4-5 ~ "Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."

Even when the struggle grows to the point of such uncertainty that you don't know which voice to listen to, know the Lord is waiting for you to cry out to him and tell him how the confusion will not deter your hope in him.

Stop surviving

As the alarm chimes and my mind awakens before my eyes open, my first thoughts in the morning usually consist of Why the heck am I getting up so early? and How fast will I need to move when getting ready if I sleep 10 more minutes? 

As the day drags on and more problems arise with each passing moment, I tell myself there are only so many more hours before work is completed for the day—I can make it. 

More often than not, I desperately try to survive. I work hard, I enjoy time with friends and family, and I attempt to grow more like Christ each day—something I know those who love and follow Jesus should strive for each moment. However, while I attempt to survive, I often feel tempted to perform the minimum amount of work required. I desire to sleep until the last possible second. I even talk myself out of that extra mile during a run.

When I run, there are usually two distinct thought patterns I follow, which consist of either please help me finish still breathing, or this feels amazing! Basically, I'm either surviving, or I'm thriving. I have to admit that all I could think about this morning during my run was surviving, which enabled me to reach the finish line but made the journey not as enjoyable.

Not unlike the popular Casting Crowns song "Thrive," which tells listeners we were made to thrive, we have a higher calling than to simply go through life surviving. Surviving means to remain alive. Our Creator did not place us on Earth to merely remain alive until we have lived out our days. He created us to thrive, to prosper, to flourish.

It proves hard enough, however, to survive at times. When you don't have a clue as to where the money will come from to pay your next bill, when you watch helplessly as a family member suffers through a crippling disease, when someone walks away after promises of forever, it takes all your strength to hold your head high and survive. How could God possibly expect you to thrive while crushed under circumstances such as these?

Because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4). He has a plan, and you have a purpose. Stop merely surviving. God does not intend for us to crawl to the finish line, hoping we will have the energy to make it still breathing. He also does not intend for us to drag our feet to the finish line, allowing laziness to take control. He intends for us to praise Him with the thanksgiving of how amazing it feels to thrive.

Find comfort in the fact that our Savior knows the pains of this life. Christ knows what it feels like to live in human flesh and experience the problems of this world. Look to Him when you find yourself struggling for survival. Find hope in the blessings He provides each day. Give Him thanks for the gifts He leaves in our paths, gifts that we sometimes miss because we become caught up in the complaints and tears and frustrations that take over when we try to survive.

Seek joy every day. Flourish. Prosper. Thrive. Give Him glory through it all. For we were made to thrive. 

Proverbs 4:23-27

Waiting on God's voice proves extremely difficult at times. I have experienced impatience, frustration, confusion and much more as I expectantly wait for an answer. It's almost as if I cannot make a move until I know God has pointed a beacon of light in the direction He wishes me to travel.

After reading these verses in Proverbs, I realized I need to cast away fear of moving forward when waiting.

Proverbs 4:23-27 ~ "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

God knows the desires of your heart, and He knows you desire to follow Him. If you are continually fixing your eyes on Him, He will not send you down a crooked path.

This passage makes it appear simple, but in some ways, it is simple. If we refuse to mess around with corruption and ways that aren't firm, then we can rest in the fact that God will help guard our hearts against evil and against the wrong path. Even if He appears silent, He never takes His guiding hand away from us.

Isaiah 41:13

After going through a day of goodbyes and looking to a future of new beginnings and uncertainty, this verse seems just the thing for this month.

Isaiah 41:13 ~ "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Graduating college today brought about fears for the future. Saying goodbye to best friends and family left me feeling slightly alone and extremely sad. But then I come to this verse, and I am given a promise. A promise that God is holding on to me. He commands me to not fear, for he will help me. Do not fear.

Despite the fact that I have no idea what my future holds, God will help me. Despite the fact that I will be away from my comfort zone, God will help me. And despite the fact that it can feel lonely at times, God will help me. And therefore, I will not fear.

My four-year run

Going for a run has its good and bad moments. In the beginning, you feel fresh and excited for what lies ahead of you. Your legs feel light, your breathing comes easily and your feet happily pound the pavement beneath you.

Then comes the exercise-induced asthma. Your body, once excited to be on the move, wonders why your legs are still pumping and why you are putting your heart through this torture.

This feeling does not last, thankfully. Pretty soon, you hit your stride, and your confidence comes back for round two. Everything feels wonderful until the exhaustion takes hold—for real this time. This is simply not fair. Your body cannot take this back and forth of confidence then fatigue, energy then weakness. You cannot go another step. Your heart is about to beat out of your chest and the sweat rolls down your forehead faster than you can wipe it out of your eyes.

And then you see it. Your goal. The light at the end of the tunnel. At that moment, you know you can complete this run. It’s a sprint to the finish line.

I have been on a run for the past four years. When I first stepped onto Liberty University’s campus as a freshman, I felt exhilarated and excited for where this path would take me. With each semester, moments of confidence and moments of exhaustion came hand in hand. There were times when I felt as if I could sprint the entire way, while other days, all I could do was keep my head down and keep running.

Now that the finish line is not only in sight, but it’s also a few strides away, I cannot believe how far I have run. The feeling of accomplishment builds with each step, but the memories of the different paths I took to arrive here overwhelm me. And I know, beyond all doubt, that the only way I made it this far was from the strength of Jesus Christ. Each time I stumbled, every time I began taking the wrong path, he restored my balance and my sense of direction.

As I cross the finish line and receive my diploma May 10, my run at Liberty will officially conclude. The evenings spent playing Frisbee, the countless hours working in the Champion office or studying, the late nights talking with friends—these will all be a thing of the past. I could easily say how bittersweet this all feels, which would be true, but I must admit that an excitement for my next run has taken hold, and I look back on these four years with a sense of accomplishment, not sadness.

While I may ache for a short time after this run finishes, I know I am stronger as a result of it all. The bumps and bruises I received along the way prove that I fought my way through even when it hurt. Thankfully, I took in the sights and sounds around me as I ran, stopping to watch the sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains every now and then.  

Now, I look back and encourage those still running with a piece of cliché advice, but one that holds true nonetheless. While it may seem as if the end will never come, and a moment arrives when your lungs burn with each breath followed closely by a moment when you pick up momentum as you glide down a hill, remember for whom you are running. Yes, there are moments for crying and moments for laughter, but each one was given to you for the purpose of giving it back in praise to our God. Then, you will not only cross the finish line, but you will cross with joy and with your hands raised in accomplishment and in praise.

Zephaniah 3:17

I've always thought about how we are made to worship our King. We are made to rejoice in his presence and glorify his name, counting it all joy. Recently, however, I read this verse, and it revealed to me another aspect of God's character.

Zephaniah 3:17 ~ "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

It was this second sentence that caught my attention. The Creator of the universe, the God who parted the waters of the sea, the God who appeared to Paul–he takes delight in me. He takes delight in me. And he shows this delight by singing over me. 

Am I not the one who is supposed to be singing praises to him? And yet he showers me with his song. Each day, I wake up to this serenade in the form of a sunrise. His song continues to shower me with each breath I take. The notes of his song surround me with every blessing he lovingly gives me as a token of his love. 

Why do I find cause to complain? What could I possibly find in my day to push back at God, saying, "I don't want this blessing. Stop singing your love for me." Doesn't really make sense, does it? But that's exactly what we do when we find something to frustrate us. When we give in to the complaints, to the worries, to the anger, to the stress. 

Don't close your ears to God's ever-present song. Take each blessing from him, knowing he desires to quiet your sinful reactions to life with his love. He wants to rejoice over his creation–you–through song. Because he delights in you.

Why God's Not Dead

The recent release of the movie “God’s Not Dead” has stirred Christians and non-Christians alike, causing many to run to their computers and post their thoughts and opinions on social media as to why Christian films continue to miss the mark of good filmmaking. 

I must agree that Christian films lack a quality that the big names in Hollywood create on a regular basis, and “God’s Not Dead” is no exception. Cheesy scripts and bad acting continue to plague faith-based films, and I have begun to expect this whenever I sit down to watch a Christian movie.  

However, I went into the theater with high hopes for “God’s Not Dead,” and despite the occasional chuckle at the poor performance of a few of the actors, I thought this movie showed more professionalism than other Christian films of the same budget.  

Despite this, many have taken the release of another unashamedly Christian movie as an opportunity to bash the Christian filmmaking industry. John Speed, a Christian blogger, published his opinions on his blog Gospel Spam, stating "God's not dead, but Christian screenwriting is." His argument provides positive qualities of the movie, but the majority of his blog states this movie is littered with blasphemy. 

"God does not need us to defend him, as the hero of this movie states," Speed wrote. "The atheist needs us to declare the truth to him so that he can be rescued from the wrath of God. To state the former and miss the latter is blasphemous. When we — even with the best of intentions — place God on trial in our personal evangelism or in big screen movies, we give the enemies of God occasion to blaspheme. And they are doing exactly that." 

Others made comments on the website Rotten Tomatoes such as “God may not be dead, but I'd be willing to wager this movie at least gave him a faint wave of nausea.” However, despite the fact that the website awarded the movie with a 20 percent rating, the general audience gave it 87 percent.  

I would have to agree with the 87 percent of people who voted for this movie. While some, like Speed, believe that evangelism should be left to "everyday Christians," and "Jesus did not command us to go into all the world and show movies," we, as Christians, have the responsibility to reach as many people as we possibly can with the hope of the gospel. And this movie does just that. 

True, the evidence provided by the young college student in his defense of God may not give airtight proof for the existence of God, and not all atheists show the same hatred as the professor in the movie shows, but the story was powerful and provided an unashamed message of our forgiveness in Jesus Christ.  

As with anything in the public’s eye, critiques, both positive and negative, come with the territory. But the critiques from Christians should not simply bash an industry that is continuing to grow. True, it is frustrating to watch faith-based films with the expectation that they will not be equal to that of a film produced in Hollywood, but how helpful is it to those who create and write these films when all they hear consists of reviews that tell them how terrible their work is?   

If there are aspects of this movie that contradict our beliefs, as Speed felt, then this is an opportunity to take a deeper look at the Bible and decide how we would provide our own answers if someone told us God is dead. Will we all have the chance to stand up in front of a class and an atheist to defend our beliefs? Probably not. But this movie provides an example of how necessary it is to be able to defend your faith, regardless of the quality of the script or the performance of the actors. 

1 Peter 3:15-16 says, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

 
 

Hebrews 4:14-16

It is extremely easy to become caught up in the weaknesses and trials of this world. We often feel alone and misunderstood. These verses are an amazing reminder that we are never alone.

Hebrews 4:14-16 ~ "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Not only does Jesus walk beside us through trials and temptations, but he also knows what it feels like. We never have the excuse of giving into self pity because "nobody understands." Jesus provided the ultimate example of standing up to trials and standing up to Satan as he tempts us. We do not have to wonder if God will be there to help us with these battles - we can walk forward with confidence to the throne of grace and ask him to help us whenever we are in need.   

Satan's web of lies

The words come quietly, carried by a soft voice. These words give solutions, they provide excuses. They show the easy way out of any situation. The subtle thoughts that make their way inside your own are easily mistaken for truth. Only after the poison sets in do you realize the danger.

It's been occurring since the Garden of Eden, when Satan took the form of a serpent and whispered in Eve's ear the words that led to the fall of man. I have always wondered why Eve did not turn her back on him and face the truth. But Satan had taken another form. He did not approach her and say, "I am God's enemy, and I am about to feed you a lie in order to separate you from the Creator."

Satan played off of her pride, off of her desires. He knew exactly what to say in order for her to convince herself that what he said was truth. Satan does not know our thoughts. He cannot read our minds. But he is extremely smart and cunning. He has mastered the art of whispering to us at the exact moment we let our defenses down, when we think we are strong enough to resist.

Why did Satan approach Eve at that moment? Could she have been near the tree, staring up at the fruit? Was she watching the sun shine through the branches, wondering why God had placed a barrier between her and this source of sustenance? Or maybe thoughts of accomplishment at obeying God's words crossed her mind.

Whatever the situation, Eve was in a position where Satan knew she would be most likely to fall. This was not a chance meeting.

In today's culture and society, Satan is not given enough credit. There are too many movies about demon possession, too many mental disorders that pills are supposed to cure, too many situations where we blame the corruption of our culture. Satan has brainwashed us to not think about spiritual warfare. He has convinced us that he does not come in serpent form anymore.

This semester, Satan has fed me more lies than I ever thought possible. He had me convinced of things that I thought I had under control. He hit me where I thought I was strongest. It was not until I was stumbling over his web of lies that I realized what was happening. It wasn't until I turned every single lie over to God that I realized the truth.

But God is not just watching from above, wringing his hands, hoping we will realize the devil's mask. He desires us to know the truth, because the truth sets us free. Now that I have become aware of Satan's deception in my life, God has provided me with wisdom in discerning what is truth and what is lie.

And since Satan cannot read my thoughts, I make sure to let him know verbally every so often that he has no power over me. Because my God is greater, and he has set me free.

Philippians 4:8 ~ "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Romans 8:5-6

I often wonder about Psalm 37:4, which says if I delight myself in God, he will give me the desires of my heart. Well, I delight in God, I sit in his presence and bask in his glow with delight. Yet my desires seem to sit idle, waiting. I came upon this verse a few weeks ago, and things kind of clicked into place.

Romans 8:5-6 ~ "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace ... "

Sin is a tricky thing. I have my heart surrendered to Christ, but there's this sinful nature that I cannot seem to shake. I wish I could say once I gave myself to Jesus, I was able to live in constant obedience to him and to the Spirit. Sadly, I still obey my sinful nature more than I want to admit.

If I am not in complete surrender to the Spirit, then my desires will not line up with what the Spirit desires. My mind will be focused on what my flesh desires. I still allow my sinful nature to control my thoughts, my mind, despite the fact that I am no longer a slave to it. In those moments, I realize how desperately I want my mind controlled by the Spirit. I want to live in constant accordance with the Spirit.

Maybe God does not give me all the desires of my heart because I am not living as one whose mind is controlled by the Spirit. I do not have this peace of desires met because I am still holding back from relinquishing complete control.

But I will loosen my grip. I will let go of this control and give it to the Spirit. May we all live in accordance with the Spirit, having a mind filled with life and peace.

Never enough time

There's never enough time. Never enough time to perfectly complete all the work that is required of you. Never enough time to enjoy a night out with friends without thinking of what awaits you on your desk the next morning. Never enough time to relax with a cup of coffee and a good book, because there is always that nagging thought of, "Shouldn't I be doing something productive right now?"

On the spiritual side of things, the hands of time never seem to work slowly enough to allow for a morning with just you and Jesus. There's just too much to do, and a few verses or chapters along with a quick prayer is about all you can handle these days.

Our culture is extremely fast-paced, planting the notion in our mind that a moment's peace is hard to come by. If we ever are blessed with the chance to take a break, society tells us to make that break about us. Watch a movie. Stalk people on Facebook. Peruse Pinterest for a new recipe. Just let your brain go numb in order to relax. 

I have often felt the pressure of not having enough time. I fill my schedule to the point where I barely have time to breathe, because I have given in to our culture's fast-paced way of life. And despite the fact that I have done this to myself, I worry that I will not accomplish everything and have time for myself.

But when I do have those quiet moments, those times where I can take a breath, how am I spending it? I have begun to realize that with every worry of not having enough time or every moment that I take for myself, I am eating away at my time with God, the one who created time.

How am I filling my thoughts, my quiet moments? How often do my fingers move the cursor to open Facebook? How many times do I slip that DVD into the player and let my brain turn off for a while? 

It is when I dwell on these questions that I come to the realization that I have completely ignored moments God has created for me to spend with him. I have filled times of peace with all things that will bring me anything but peace. 

It is time for a change. Time to begin filling these moments with him who created these pockets of freedom from my hectic life. He gave me these moments to recharge, and I absolutely cannot recharge by disconnecting from reality through TV or by staring at the reality of others through Facebook. 

When I fill these treasured times with thanksgiving and with conversations with my Savior, it is then that I will feel the peace and rest from the busyness. I need to stop stressing about the stress in my life whenever I have a moment to breathe. 

There will always be 24 hours in a day. There is always enough time. It's just about deciding what to do with the time that you have. 

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

With a crazy and hectic schedule, it is easy to forget the freedom we have in Christ. It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activities that, without our realizing it, can enslave us.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 ~ "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

There are two things that stand out from these verses. The first being that we, as Christians, have the Spirit of the Lord dwelling in our souls. Because of this, we have freedom. Just think about that word. Freedom. How often do we let the things of this world control our thoughts, our feelings, our actions? But with Christ, we have freedom. Earthly stresses and anxieties have no place in our lives when we focus on the freedom we have in the Lord.

The second thing that stands out with these verses is how Paul tells us we reflect the Lord's glory and are being transformed into his image. This is something that is easily forgotten as we go through each day. We reflect Christ. He wants to transform us into his own image. How often do we push away from this? Do our actions reflect him? Are we truly allowing him to transform us? We should not be satisfied with who we are until we truly let go and understand that our life is about reflecting our Creator.