"This is going to be the year."
The moment the words left my lips, the thought "yeah, right" replaced them in my mind. 24 years old, and the terror of broken expectations still wraps its fingers around the hope that comes with new beginnings.
I think back on the first day of each college semester. With the fresh start came a new sense of adventure, which meant new goals to accomplish, new relationships to form, new mountains to climb.
Recognize that feeling? The excitement of something beginning. Why, then, does it often seem as if these feelings slip away when the adventure isn't what we thought it would be?
Suddenly, it's easy to compare ourselves to Israel, wandering in the desert 40 years. Didn't God promise us a new beginning when we trusted Him? Wasn't our journey in faith supposed to take us to the next exciting step in life?
I have felt like a wanderer. Each day, I continue to journey, expecting and hoping I will soon experience the fulfillment of God's promise to me.
Then the next step comes, and it's difficult, it's risky, it's not what I expected. And even in the midst of the excitement of simply moving forward, I grow anxious and frustrated that God isn't leading me the way I thought He would.
Or He tells me to stay right where I am, and the period of no movement at all creates insecurities as I watch others move.
Thinking about Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years, I grow frustrated reading about their lack of faith, their complaining, their sinning out of impatience. I think, "Why couldn't they just be thankful that God led them out of slavery? Did the miracles they witnessed mean nothing to them? Did God's promise mean nothing to them?"
Sound familiar?
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, to wander is to "move about without a fixed course, aim or goal. To go idly about."
You might compare your life to a wandering Israelite, but your journey with Christ is no more of an aimless journey than Israel's journey. Just like God leading Israel each step of the way, He is leading you if you choose to follow.
Even in weeks or years when God seems silent, He provides all you need for your temporary rest in the journey. Whenever Israel stopped for a time, it was at a specific place selected by God. He wasn't moving them without a fixed course or goal.
And He's not moving you without a goal in mind. He's protecting you, preparing you and strengthening you before the next move.
Believing that truth can encourage you to remain faithful to Christ. Your life is not an aimless journey. God is preparing you for what's next. But it's your choice to spend the journey frustrated and impatient or hopeful and obedient.
So what do you think? Is this going to be the year?
