When the truth comes by accident

Ever hear a lie in the corner of your mind that you know is a lie?

It starts as a small whisper. You ignore it at first, knowing it's useless falsehood. But then, for some reason, it inches its way to the front of your mind.

Why? You know this is a lie. You know in your head, yet your heart starts to believe otherwise. It's maddening.

This frustrating situation is how we, as Christ-followers, grow discouraged. We grow distracted. All from a single thought we know to be false.

I recently struggled with this dilemma. I knew what I was thinking and believing was a lie, yet I couldn't shake it. I felt powerless. I tried crying out to the Lord, I tried Scripture, I tried talking to people of wisdom.

I wish I could say I knew the reason that nothing seemed to help. I must admit my stubbornness came into play. I hated admitting that I felt this way. I didn't want to appear weak to anyone. And yet I felt like a hypocrite who, like Jesus pointed out, appeared white and clean on the outside yet was dirty on the inside. 

For the purpose of getting my point across, here's a glimpse into the lie I believed: How can God love me uniquely if He loves all perfectly? How could I be special to Him if He would've sent His Son to earth regardless if I were on it or not?

Sounds silly, right? And yet for some reason, I began to believe it. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe Satan wanted to distract me. Maybe he wanted me to doubt myself as a leader. Maybe he just wanted to give me crap because I'm a child of God.

Whatever the reason, God used for good what Satan meant for evil.

The night came when I felt the full weight of this lie. I was driving home and felt burdened by it all. The road I traveled on was foggy and curvy. I let myself crawl into the hole that was this lie right before a little raccoon raced across the road. My foot slammed on the break.

And yet I hit it.

The thud from this hit proved more than I could stand, and I crawled further still into the darkness of that lie. I soon realized that it was too much, and I decided to simply numb the emotions instead of face them.

Knowing this was the wrong thing to do, I ignored the tug at my heart from the Holy Spirit, and I swallowed every emotion until the only thing left was the winding road in front of me.

And the deer that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I don't remember it walking out onto the road. I don't remember seeing it before it was right there. My foot slammed on the break.

And yet I hit it.

I still shudder when I remember the deer turning its head, literally caught in my headlights, and the front of my car making contact.

I cried out to God. Why? Why this? Why now? Haven't I been struggling with enough?

And then what Satan meant for evil, God used for good. 

The Lord gave me a physical representation of the way He uniquely loves me. He protects me, a way that I feel most loved. When I see or hear someone protecting me, I feel more loved in that moment than if they had actually wrapped their arms around me and told me so.

I can't even count the number of times my Heavenly Father has protected me. Physical, emotional and spiritual protection. He has done this for me. Because He loves me. Because He has purpose for me. 

What lie are you believing in this moment? What lie came to mind as you read this? Here's some advice someone gave me, advice that enabled me to see all the ways God protects me.

Write down every way the Lord has proved whatever you are believing to be a lie. Are you believing God doesn't care about the details? Write down every time He has worked out the details for you. Are you believing you have no future? Write down all the times God has brought you through difficult moments.

If you're having trouble combating the lies, when you see the physical proof, those lies don't stand a chance.

Also, remember that you don't need to feel ashamed for those lies. Sometimes we need to struggle first before we can understand more clearly what God desires to teach us.

While saying I'm glad I hit that deer would be a stretch, I'm thankful God brought me out of that dark hole into the light, regardless of the way He accomplished that.

One last thought: If God is trying to get your attention with a little raccoon, don't ignore it and wait until He sends a deer.    

The swans didn't know what we had planned

There are always fun adventures working at camp. One of the most recent adventures included a couple of swans that were donated to camp.

After learning that swans need to live in an enclosed space for a few weeks when they're in a new environment, the guys set up a fence in the lake for the new family members.

Side note, the swans were named Jack and Diane after John Mellencamp's song. But don't feel bad if you have no idea who that is – I didn't until these swans came into our lives, which resulted in gasps and wide eyes of unbelief.

After a few weeks, the big moment of cutting the fence came, and we all excitedly gathered around the enclosure. It was like Jack and Diane knew something was up, because they began to press against the fence, appearing frightened.

The boys cut away at the fence and began pulling at it, creating an opening. With bated breath, we all watched as the swans ... went to the opposite corner of the cut-away fence. What were they doing?

They were so nervous about all the attention and now cheers and instructions from these well-meaning humans, that they pushed harder and harder against the other end of the fence. Soon, feathers were flying off from their struggle.

With one side of the fence still in the ground and the other side in the hand of one of the guys who cut the fence, the opening grew larger as he pulled at it, hoping Jack and Diane would see the opening and swim under it. As he pulled the fence higher, the side in his hand twisted upwards, giving Jack the chance he had been looking for.

But instead of swimming under the fence where the opening was, Jack stepped on top of the side of the fence that was twisted upwards, and he started climbing up the fence, wings beating furiously.

At this, we all burst into laughter. His attempt to climb higher was painful to watch, but he eventually made it up and over with Diane close behind him. Talk about working harder, not smarter!

And yet there was something vaguely familiar about the situation. This might be a stretch, but bear with me.

We can all struggle with feeling trapped where we are in the present. The next step couldn't feel farther away from us at times. It's like we've been swimming around in this fenced-off section of a lake. We can see what's out there: a big, beautiful lake. It looks endless from where we are.

But this fence called the present. It's holding us back from something amazing. We don't know why we're trapped here. We're told it's only for a time, that it won't always be like this. Do we really believe that?

I was struggling with contentedness one afternoon more so than normal, and God spoke to me in a quiet whisper. He said, "If only you knew what I had planned for you."

Wow. I was not expecting that. Like Jack and Diane, I could not see the whole picture. I still don't know what the future holds.

But I know one thing. I won't fight against the fence. When God's perfect timing opens the hole in the fence, I won't be so obsessed with getting out of my current circumstance that I miss the opening. I don't want to search so desperately for a way out that I leave God out of the equation and make my own plans for the future.

Not only does that make everything more dramatic and much harder, but it tells God that I think I know better than He does. How arrogant does that sound?

Also, I want to point out that if we look at our circumstances, we'll see how blessed we truly are. God does not just drop us somewhere and expect us to tread water. There are always people, places and situations to be thankful for.

So what is your fence? Is it your singleness? Your job? Your neighborhood? Whatever it may be, know that God desires for you to hear one thing: If only you knew what He had planned for you. Maybe then we would stop struggling, and we would enjoy the here and now.  

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 86:11-13

How often do we simply read the words in front of us without letting them truly sink in? Or we say things flippantly because we know it's the "Christian thing" to say? If you read the verses below, are they something you can truly mean? Or are they just Christian phrases that have a nice ring to them?

Psalm 86:11-13 ~ "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."

I think the two hardest aspects of these verses are the request for an undivided heart and the statement of praising God with all my heart.

If I ask for an undivided heart, does that mean I have to give up the things that might be in battle for Christ's spot in my heart? The hard truth is: absolutely yes. Which is why that statement is like a smack in the face. Am I willing to pray this and mean it? I sure hope so.

If I tell God I will praise Him with my whole heart, does that mean I have to stop giving my heart, time and energy to things that pull my attention away from my Savior? Again, the hard truth would be that, yes, I do.

But once I get past the things that I think bring me pleasure in the moment, I realize that my attention is much better spent giving my whole heart to the One who delivered me from the depths of the grave.