Give me s'more SpringHill

I don’t think I will ever get used to the way God works. He uses the most random and unrelated situations to bring us right where he wants us. I experienced this last fall after walking into a job fair expecting to come away with contacts for future jobs or internships. I walked out with a pamphlet in my hand and a calling in my heart to do something I have never desired to do before: work at a summer camp.   

Through a series of events orchestrated only by God, a week after I left Liberty in the spring, I walked onto the campus of SpringHill in Indiana. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew that if God had gotten me this far, he had something in mind for me for the next 10 weeks.

 I was wrong. God did not have something in mind: He had multiple things in mind. I have never experienced such a time of trial, heartache, joy and beauty. God revealed to me things about myself that I did not want to face. He opened my eyes to some harsh realities of life as well as to his overwhelming compassion.

 I could fill pages and pages with different stories that reveal how God worked in my heart during my 10 weeks at SpringHill Camps. But for the sake of my time and yours, I will simply share this one story.

 One of the amazing opportunities I had over the course of the summer was talking with the middle school girls each Wednesday night after sharing my testimony. It was a time when I answered questions, provided a listening ear or was simply a shoulder to cry on as girls told me their own stories.

 During training, we talked about what would happen during these times and how best to respond. Going into the first week of campers, I was excited at the thought of telling my story and being there to respond to the needs of these girls. I was thrilled at the thought of praying with girls to accept Christ.

 Each week, I talked with different girls and heard everything from desires to learn the best ways of witnessing to fears of going back to a home filled with verbal and physical abuse. Each week, I was struck with the realization that, similar to Moses, I am not eloquent when it comes to speech. I was also struck with the realization that, similar to the disciples, I struggle with pride when it comes to my faith.

 As foolish as it may sound, I heard the stories of my counselors and coworkers praying with campers to accept Christ and, although I was filled with joy and excitement, there was a part of me that grew jealous. Praying with campers was not an uncommon occurrence for me, but I had yet had the opportunity to pray with a camper to surrender to Jesus. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

 Satan fed me lies such as not having a powerful enough testimony, and I irrationally believed him. He played off of my pride of wanting to be able to say I had led girls to Christ and used it to fill my mind with doubt and self-consciousness.

 It was extremely humbling when I realized how I was letting my pride and my insecurities keep me from truly letting the Holy Spirit speak through me. The last Wednesday night of sharing testimonies approached faster than I expected, and I was faced with the decision to spend another night allowing myself to succumb to the devil’s lies or give it all to Christ through prayer. Thankfully, I chose the latter and another name was written in the Book of Life that night, as I had the amazing experience of praying with one of my girls to accept Christ.

 At that moment, it was no longer about being able to brag on the fact that I was spiritual enough to lead someone to Christ. It was about being able to brag on the fact that Jesus can use any and every situation to bring someone to him, whether that someone is a middle school girl rising above the doubt and surrendering to him or a college senior laying down her pride and insecurities at the cross.

 My time at SpringHill grew me in my faith like nothing I have ever experienced. The realization that Christ used me, despite my failures and human pride, is extremely humbling. And the realization that God knew exactly what would result from my walking into that job fair gives me goose bumps.

 God is bigger than the individual boxes we all place him in when we try to figure out the future or when we doubt that he will actually work through us, mere stumbling humans. He burst the box I had put him in wide open, and I am not willing to fall into the trap of putting him in another one. My God is greater than that, and he has a plan and a purpose for every situation. We just have to be willing to let go of the pride, excuses and insecurities, and watch him work.    

What are you waiting for?

It's interesting to go online and search how long the average person will spend waiting over the course of his or her life. Some people will tell you more than 45 minutes per day. Some studies will tell you more than seven years are spent waiting. Whatever answer you find, the fact of the matter is that humans spend quite a lot of time throughout life waiting.

When it comes to stop lights and ordering food, there is no choice but to wait. But what about the rest of life? Why do we wait to get up and actually make a move toward what we know we are supposed to do? It's human nature to be impatient and desire immediate results in life. So why do we wait to grab hold of the important things in life?

There are many situations where waiting is necessary. For instance, I love thinking about the future. There are many times when I wish that I could just press the fast forward button and skip ahead a moment or two in time, but then God reminds me that he has me exactly where he wants me. He tells me to wait on his timing. Lamentations 3:26 says that it "is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

There are other times, however, when waiting is the excuse. It is easy to say I am waiting for the perfect timing, or I am waiting until I know that I am ready. But that is not waiting. That is allowing fear to hold me back from taking a leap and living life to the fullest. It's easy to dream and make plans, but when it comes to setting aside the drawing board and actually going out to live the dream, it sometimes seems easier to say that the timing isn't quite right yet.

It can be difficult to break away from your comfort zone and take a step in the direction of something new and exciting. But isn't that the point? Life isn't supposed to be easy. If it were easy, then we would never learn anything. You don't become smarter by sitting around all day.

So what is stopping you from going out and doing what you know you're supposed to be doing? What fear is holding you back from completing God's purpose for your life? We spend so much of our time on earth waiting. Do not wait any longer to take a chance and break free of your fear.

No tomorrow

Life is full of what-ifs and desires to go back in time and change something or do something differently. They say hindsight is 20/20, and I believe it. Thoughts of, "If only I knew then what I know now, I would have acted completely differently" take up space in our minds and cause frustration and even guilt.

I have always said I want to live my life like there's no tomorrow. That I want to enter Christ's holy presence knowing that I accomplished everything I was supposed to accomplish, that I lived life to the fullest. I yearn to hear the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" and know that I ran the race and sprinted through the finish line.

Last month, one of my sisters in Christ from my hall entered Christ's holy presence because of a tragic hiking accident. Suddenly, I was faced with the realization that, while I would never admit it before, I thought of myself as invincible. I can honestly say I am not afraid of death, because I know it will lead to eternity in heaven. However, I never think about how I will die. I never think that it could be in 70 years or it could be tomorrow. I realized that I live my life as if I will never face death.

The first few days after the accident, I struggled with asking God if Faith's death was just an accident, or if he had meant for her to die. I knew that nothing surprises God and he can use anything for his glory, but did he really plan this? Or do some things in life just happen?

After days of struggling with this thought, God showed me that he indeed is in control of everything, and nothing is ever just an accident. Listening to the testimony of one of the girls who was with Faith that day, I realized how God will use anything to draw us to him and to make us realize that we were not created to rely fully on anyone or anything but him.

Once God snapped me back to the reality that there is no guarantee of how long he will keep me on this earth, I started thinking about everything I do during my day and how I live my life. He showed me that I have one reason for living - to glorify him through completing the purpose he has for my life. And who am I to decide when I have completed that purpose or when I need more time?

Faith taught me to take nothing for granted. To not be afraid to take every chance I have of showing Christ's love and telling others about the hope that I have. Because I plan on sprinting through the finish line.