When the answer means closing your Bible

When it comes to discipline, I can say as humbly as possible that I'm pretty darn good at it. Give me a goal, and I will set my mind to completing it. I hate giving up on something, and if I do, my conscience eats away at me. I think of discipline as promises I make to myself. If I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I keep promises to others and to God?

Spending time alone with God proves something I know I need to remain disciplined with. Making sure I pray and read the Bible each day definitely sits on the top of my list of keeping promises to God and myself. But what do I do when my heart becomes dry? When I open this book that people say is God's love letter written to me only to read the words without feeling?

These times form a picture in my mind of walking through a desert. I long for a refreshing drink of water, but I find none. It's not that my actions are wrong or my desires are not present, it's just that I cannot seem to find what I'm looking for. And that bothers me.

When I find myself wandering in the desert, it's easy to become frustrated with God. I call out, reminding him that I seek after him each time I open the pages he wrote. So why can't I feel him or see him?

Recently, the search for wisdom has grown more pertinent in my life. I have found myself in a place where I thirst for the truth and the wisdom to determine that truth. There are days when I search through Proverbs and find exactly what I'm looking for in that moment. Other days, I close my Bible not as satisfied.

However, I have begun to think maybe God doesn't desire to reveal some awe-inspiring truth each time we open his word. Maybe he just wants us willing to search for it. Or maybe he just wants us.

The other day, I grew frustrated with the lack of revelation during my time studying the Bible. The day shone brilliantly, and I sat at a picnic table, unable to concentrate as a result of the squirrels chasing each other and the birds pecking at trees, working for their dinner. I flirted with the precipice looming over simply giving up on spending time with God, when I realized that in that moment, having my eyes search the pages of this holy book was not what I needed.

When I came to this realization, I closed my Bible, turned my face toward the sun and closed my eyes. Overwhelmed with a sense of peace, I knew this was my revelation for the day: The beauty of sitting in his presence was all I needed.

Having the discipline of reading your Bible every day is necessary for your growth as a follower of Jesus. However, if you are wandering through the desert, searching for a refreshing drink, maybe you also need to simply turn your face toward the sun and feel him walking beside you.

Psalm 25:4-5

Sometimes, I grow distracted with other voices and how easily I can believe people's words at face value. There are days when Satan spews lies toward me in many different forms. This simple prayer guides me in the truth that Christ desires me to strive for and live in each day.

Psalm 25:4-5 ~ "Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."

Even when the struggle grows to the point of such uncertainty that you don't know which voice to listen to, know the Lord is waiting for you to cry out to him and tell him how the confusion will not deter your hope in him.

Stop surviving

As the alarm chimes and my mind awakens before my eyes open, my first thoughts in the morning usually consist of Why the heck am I getting up so early? and How fast will I need to move when getting ready if I sleep 10 more minutes? 

As the day drags on and more problems arise with each passing moment, I tell myself there are only so many more hours before work is completed for the day—I can make it. 

More often than not, I desperately try to survive. I work hard, I enjoy time with friends and family, and I attempt to grow more like Christ each day—something I know those who love and follow Jesus should strive for each moment. However, while I attempt to survive, I often feel tempted to perform the minimum amount of work required. I desire to sleep until the last possible second. I even talk myself out of that extra mile during a run.

When I run, there are usually two distinct thought patterns I follow, which consist of either please help me finish still breathing, or this feels amazing! Basically, I'm either surviving, or I'm thriving. I have to admit that all I could think about this morning during my run was surviving, which enabled me to reach the finish line but made the journey not as enjoyable.

Not unlike the popular Casting Crowns song "Thrive," which tells listeners we were made to thrive, we have a higher calling than to simply go through life surviving. Surviving means to remain alive. Our Creator did not place us on Earth to merely remain alive until we have lived out our days. He created us to thrive, to prosper, to flourish.

It proves hard enough, however, to survive at times. When you don't have a clue as to where the money will come from to pay your next bill, when you watch helplessly as a family member suffers through a crippling disease, when someone walks away after promises of forever, it takes all your strength to hold your head high and survive. How could God possibly expect you to thrive while crushed under circumstances such as these?

Because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4). He has a plan, and you have a purpose. Stop merely surviving. God does not intend for us to crawl to the finish line, hoping we will have the energy to make it still breathing. He also does not intend for us to drag our feet to the finish line, allowing laziness to take control. He intends for us to praise Him with the thanksgiving of how amazing it feels to thrive.

Find comfort in the fact that our Savior knows the pains of this life. Christ knows what it feels like to live in human flesh and experience the problems of this world. Look to Him when you find yourself struggling for survival. Find hope in the blessings He provides each day. Give Him thanks for the gifts He leaves in our paths, gifts that we sometimes miss because we become caught up in the complaints and tears and frustrations that take over when we try to survive.

Seek joy every day. Flourish. Prosper. Thrive. Give Him glory through it all. For we were made to thrive.