A change of plans

I can remember a time when I had my life figured out – everything from what I wanted to be when I grew up to what I would major in to where I wanted to live. I was confident and felt blessed as I entered college and completed my first year, knowing my life plan while others around me seemed to gasp for air at just the thought of what would happen after college.

All that changed over the course of my second year as God began to speak to me in different ways. I knew he was telling me my life was not going to follow the path I had previously desired. I knew I needed to make a change. But I felt so comfortable, so set in my plans that I resisted. My first year of college, everything went the way I planned. I wasn’t about to change my life goal, everything I had worked for, just like that.

Fortunately, the more I resisted, the more miserable I became. I felt as if I were carrying a burden. My heart became heavy. I was scared, and I knew why. I thought God was asking too much of me. I grew nervous with the thought of him desiring me to do something I was not ready for. This was my life, after all, and I had a plan.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

I wish I could say these words belong to me, my response to God’s gentle whispers. But these were the words of a young teenage girl after being told she would become pregnant through the Holy Spirit and give birth to a son. Not knowing what went through her head after hearing this, these words are all we have for understanding the character of the one who was highly favored by the Lord.

Hearing the words of the angel, Mary must have known the social ramifications this would bring for her and her family. I wonder if she was too overwhelmed at the time to think about it or if the fear of being stoned was in the forefront of her mind. Either way, her reaction is unbelievable. Her innocence is revealed in her question of how this would happen, which is followed by her response of faith and obedience.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

This change in Mary’s life plan could have killed her. It could have lost her the man she was betrothed to. It could have caused her family to completely disown her. And her response? Complete trust that God had it all under control. Knowledge that she is not the author of her life, but she is the servant of the Lord.

I wish this had been my own response as God told me my life was about to change. Yet I resisted, and I didn’t even have to deal with the fear of death nor the fear of losing family over this change. Mary is one of the most inspirational women of history because of her obedience. We are not in control of our future. We do, however, have the choice of either obedience or resistance.

When I gave my future over to God and changed my major, which drastically changed everything about the direction of my life, I felt an unexplained peace. The burden vanished, my heart was no longer heavy. Now, with one semester left of college, I cannot imagine doing anything else. How could I not have trusted that God knew what he was doing? Why did I believe the lie that Satan fed me about not being ready to be used by God?

Mary was greatly troubled when the angel first revealed himself to her. But her fear did not stop her from trusting God and following the path he had for her. My prayer is that with each opportunity and each change God brings into my life, I will learn from my past and learn from Mary as I respond to the Lord.

“I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

  

   

Storming the beach

Imagine staring death in the face. Imagine knowing that you are about to die in a foreign country, and the majority of people whom you are dying for do not even know your name. Now imagine having the courage to continue on in the face of this almost certain death.

The men who fought gallantly during the D-Day Invasion did not have to imagine these things. They lived each one June 6, 1944. As 160,000 Allied troops approached the French coastline, there was no time for second guessing and no time for turning back in fear. There was only moving forward.

It takes more than courage to do something like that. It takes the belief that what you are fighting for is of greater worth than your life. These soldiers clearly believed that protecting this country, and the world, carried more importance than their own life. They were able to put aside everything of comfort and familiarity for the future of millions of people.

“We've got to remember the folks who did it and those who still do it – the one percent who go into harm’s way for the benefit of the (other) 99 percent,” Dave De Soucy, a retired officer who served in combat during the Vietnam War, said in an article on the United States Army’s website.

This day in United States history could arguably be one of the most important days in our past. This was the beginning of the end for Hitler. It was a huge step in ending World War II. But it was also the end of thousands of soldiers. Their last act on this earth was fighting for freedom for not only their family, but also for strangers.

How should this knowledge affect the way we as Americans live our lives? Should knowing that men who fought nearly 70 years ago to ensure that we can live in freedom influence us in any way?

If this knowledge affects anything, it should at least affect our pride in this country and in our soldiers. We should take pride in the fact that these men took enough pride in their country to give up their lives for its safety and for the safety of those living in it.  

“It is important that (people) recognize that the freedoms they enjoy today are a result of the sacrifice of millions of people from all over the world that ensured their liberty,” Joseph W. Westphal, under secretary of the Army, said in another article on the United States Army’s website. “No greater act of bravery was ever carried out than that of millions of citizen soldiers, and civilians, who faced and defeated tyranny and rebuilt this country and the world.”

This day should be an inspiration to those of us who may never stare death in the face. It should inspire us to be strong and stand up to whatever our personal Normandy beaches are. And, just as Dwight D. Eisenhower said, we should “accept nothing less than full victory” when we storm these beaches.

Killer clowns and paranoia

‘Tis the season to find your inner child through the completely acceptable tradition of dressing up as anything your heart desires, no matter your age. It is also the season of willingly paying money to walk through a dark house filled with goblins and clowns bearing chainsaws who jump out at you from corners, giving you what feels like the beginning of a heart attack.

I cannot watch horror movies, and I am petrified of clowns. But for some reason, I love walking through haunted houses. There is something oddly exciting about knowing that at any second someone or something could jump out in front of my face, causing me to scream in fear and cling to whomever is nearest me at the moment.

Knowing it is completely fake, and each person causing me to break out in a cold sweat is simply your average Joe with some clown makeup on, dispels any fears of actually being cut up into tiny pieces by the clowns with the chainsaws. Besides, according to a study done by the University of Westminster, you can burn more than 100 calories just from watching a horror film. Imagine how many you burn walking through a haunted house.

Each year, Liberty University puts on Scaremare, a haunted walk through creepy woods and an old house. Clowns, masked figures, insane people and goblins terrorize those walking through. Thankfully, they are not allowed to touch you, but they sure love getting up in your face or whispering in your ear.

Always traveling in groups of about six or seven, this year a young gentleman joined my group after losing his group, or so he told us. Walking through the haunted house, he stayed in the front, pointing out to us any hidden figures ready to pounce. He seemed to know exactly where to go through the maze of hallways, and my friend and I began to speculate if he really lost his group or if he worked for Scaremare. We questioned him, wondering if this was all a plot to gain our trust before turning on us and terrifying us in some way or another.

Denying our accusations with a smug little smile and a shake of his head, he continued to lead us on, and we continued to follow him, not knowing what else to do but accept the inevitable Mr. Hyde when the time came. After all, we knew the whole thing to be fake.

Well, as it turned out, walking through haunted woods and a creepy old house heightens paranoia because the poor kid really did just lose his group. I wonder what was going through his head as we told him that, since we were convinced he was a worker, we would not come save him if a clown dragged him off into the woods in an attempt to frighten the innocent college students.

I think it’s interesting how often we do this in our everyday lives. In today’s culture, we expect the worst. We find it a normalcy to hear about people enduring persecution, someone getting shot in Baltimore or a patient dying of cancer. Not to say we just shrug our shoulders and say “such is life,” but it has become something that we expect in this day and age.

On the flip side of that, when something like a faith healing or the pope washing the feet of prisoners occur, we look for another explanation. The faith healing was probably a hoax, and the pope probably had ulterior motives for his actions. Because we are so used to forgery and evil, it is difficult to take off our rose dipped in poison colored glasses.

I wonder how often God just smiles and shakes his head at us when we don’t believe that he is doing something wonderful in our lives because we are too caught up in figuring out how the good is actually out to get us. I know I am guilty of doing this. God will bless me with so many good things, and yet I cannot enjoy it because I will wonder when the world will rip the rug out from under my feet, causing me to fall on my face once again.

God desires to bless us and provide us with situations in life where we are reminded of his grace and goodness. There is evil in this world, and unfortunately we do not need to look too hard to find it. But God is leading the way through it, pointing out when to be strong against the attacks of the devil. We just have to trust he is going to work out everything for our good. We have to stop looking for excuses to not trust. We have to follow even when we don’t know where he is leading, even when we don’t know what he is planning.

The beauty of this is we do not have to worry that he is going to turn on us and then laugh as we recoil in fear. We can have absolute faith and trust that he is on our side, and he will lead us out of the darkness and away from the clowns hiding in corners. All we have to do is follow.

After his family approached him at the end of Scaremare, and our pride took a slight blow with the realization that we were wrong the entire time, my friend and I laughed at our paranoia. We knew how ridiculous we must have sounded in the midst of all our accusations and distrust. If we had just believed him from the start, it would have saved us a lot of added extra fear. But then again, I guess we wouldn’t have burned as many calories.   

From atop the solo challenge

Approaching the high adventure solo challenge, I surveyed the situation at hand and knew at once that something was not quite right. The middle school kids who were supposed to be climbing into harnesses and strapping on helmets to take their turn climbing up the 20-foot pole were sitting off to the side. Glancing toward the top of the pole, I saw one of the middle school boys in a squat position, hands clutching his knees, face twisted in fear and concentration.  

I walked up to my coworker who was belaying for the poor kid whom I’ll call Jeff, and I asked him how long Jeff had been on top of the solo challenge. It is not uncommon for people to climb up the pole quickly, get on top and then freeze, too scared to jump off. At this point in time, I was told that Jeff had been atop the pole for about an hour.

This was already an impressive feat. Not only was it extremely hot, but Jeff was also squatting, too scared to stand up straight for fear of losing his balance. The kid had some legs of steel to endure that position for an hour. Despite the encouragement and cheers from his fellow campers and from the SpringHill staff present, Jeff was unwilling to make the leap.

 

The nerve-wracking thing about the solo challenge is that once someone reaches the top, the only way to get down is to jump. Each camper is harnessed in, of course, so after the jump, the camper hangs from the harness as the belayer slowly lets them down. So logically, there should be no fear of getting hurt or falling.

One thing I found interesting as I would belay campers is that many of them would ask the same exact question: “If I fall, will you catch me?” My answer was always the same as I replied with, “Yes, you can trust me. I am not letting go of this rope and, even if you fall, even when you jump, I will never let go.” At this point, some of them would close their eyes and jump. Others, however, would hear my words, but the shaky pole under their feet and the ground so far beneath them proved too much, and they gave into their fears and would not budge.

I never understood why they would rather stand atop that pole for long stretches of time, staring at the distance between them and solid ground, knowing that the only way was to trust me and jump. I never understood until I looked at it from another perspective.

I have been learning a lot about prayer recently. There are some major steps that I have to take soon, and I have been praying for God to give me wisdom and to reveal to me how he wants me to take these steps. These are some scary steps. Steps such as leaving the country for three weeks and figuring out what to do after graduation. Until now, the adrenaline has kept me moving. Just like my campers, I have raced to the top of the pole. But now that I am at the top, the only thing to do is take that leap and trust that God is going to catch me.

Staring into the future is like staring over the top of that pole. It is intimidating, and I know that on my own I would never make it. But God is right there, telling me, “Yes, you can trust me. I am not letting go of this rope and, even if you fall, even when you jump, I will never let go.” And so now the choice is mine. Do I trust him and jump, believing that he is holding onto me, or do I tremble at the top of the pole, letting the fear of failure and potential hurt hold me back?

Jeff squatted on top of that pole for two solid hours. By the time he was on the ground again, his face was red from tears, sweat and sunburn. My coworker had his own sunburn, as well as some impressive blisters from holding the rope steady for two hours. But he never let go.

I jumped off of my pole recently, and the relief was immediate. God has proven his faithfulness again and again, and I am overwhelmed by it all. I understand how easy it is to let fear take hold and paralyze any action or trust, but do not let that take over and consume, or you will never know what it feels like to have your feet on solid ground.   

Give me s'more SpringHill

I don’t think I will ever get used to the way God works. He uses the most random and unrelated situations to bring us right where he wants us. I experienced this last fall after walking into a job fair expecting to come away with contacts for future jobs or internships. I walked out with a pamphlet in my hand and a calling in my heart to do something I have never desired to do before: work at a summer camp.   

Through a series of events orchestrated only by God, a week after I left Liberty in the spring, I walked onto the campus of SpringHill in Indiana. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew that if God had gotten me this far, he had something in mind for me for the next 10 weeks.

 I was wrong. God did not have something in mind: He had multiple things in mind. I have never experienced such a time of trial, heartache, joy and beauty. God revealed to me things about myself that I did not want to face. He opened my eyes to some harsh realities of life as well as to his overwhelming compassion.

 I could fill pages and pages with different stories that reveal how God worked in my heart during my 10 weeks at SpringHill Camps. But for the sake of my time and yours, I will simply share this one story.

 One of the amazing opportunities I had over the course of the summer was talking with the middle school girls each Wednesday night after sharing my testimony. It was a time when I answered questions, provided a listening ear or was simply a shoulder to cry on as girls told me their own stories.

 During training, we talked about what would happen during these times and how best to respond. Going into the first week of campers, I was excited at the thought of telling my story and being there to respond to the needs of these girls. I was thrilled at the thought of praying with girls to accept Christ.

 Each week, I talked with different girls and heard everything from desires to learn the best ways of witnessing to fears of going back to a home filled with verbal and physical abuse. Each week, I was struck with the realization that, similar to Moses, I am not eloquent when it comes to speech. I was also struck with the realization that, similar to the disciples, I struggle with pride when it comes to my faith.

 As foolish as it may sound, I heard the stories of my counselors and coworkers praying with campers to accept Christ and, although I was filled with joy and excitement, there was a part of me that grew jealous. Praying with campers was not an uncommon occurrence for me, but I had yet had the opportunity to pray with a camper to surrender to Jesus. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

 Satan fed me lies such as not having a powerful enough testimony, and I irrationally believed him. He played off of my pride of wanting to be able to say I had led girls to Christ and used it to fill my mind with doubt and self-consciousness.

 It was extremely humbling when I realized how I was letting my pride and my insecurities keep me from truly letting the Holy Spirit speak through me. The last Wednesday night of sharing testimonies approached faster than I expected, and I was faced with the decision to spend another night allowing myself to succumb to the devil’s lies or give it all to Christ through prayer. Thankfully, I chose the latter and another name was written in the Book of Life that night, as I had the amazing experience of praying with one of my girls to accept Christ.

 At that moment, it was no longer about being able to brag on the fact that I was spiritual enough to lead someone to Christ. It was about being able to brag on the fact that Jesus can use any and every situation to bring someone to him, whether that someone is a middle school girl rising above the doubt and surrendering to him or a college senior laying down her pride and insecurities at the cross.

 My time at SpringHill grew me in my faith like nothing I have ever experienced. The realization that Christ used me, despite my failures and human pride, is extremely humbling. And the realization that God knew exactly what would result from my walking into that job fair gives me goose bumps.

 God is bigger than the individual boxes we all place him in when we try to figure out the future or when we doubt that he will actually work through us, mere stumbling humans. He burst the box I had put him in wide open, and I am not willing to fall into the trap of putting him in another one. My God is greater than that, and he has a plan and a purpose for every situation. We just have to be willing to let go of the pride, excuses and insecurities, and watch him work.    

What are you waiting for?

It's interesting to go online and search how long the average person will spend waiting over the course of his or her life. Some people will tell you more than 45 minutes per day. Some studies will tell you more than seven years are spent waiting. Whatever answer you find, the fact of the matter is that humans spend quite a lot of time throughout life waiting.

When it comes to stop lights and ordering food, there is no choice but to wait. But what about the rest of life? Why do we wait to get up and actually make a move toward what we know we are supposed to do? It's human nature to be impatient and desire immediate results in life. So why do we wait to grab hold of the important things in life?

There are many situations where waiting is necessary. For instance, I love thinking about the future. There are many times when I wish that I could just press the fast forward button and skip ahead a moment or two in time, but then God reminds me that he has me exactly where he wants me. He tells me to wait on his timing. Lamentations 3:26 says that it "is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

There are other times, however, when waiting is the excuse. It is easy to say I am waiting for the perfect timing, or I am waiting until I know that I am ready. But that is not waiting. That is allowing fear to hold me back from taking a leap and living life to the fullest. It's easy to dream and make plans, but when it comes to setting aside the drawing board and actually going out to live the dream, it sometimes seems easier to say that the timing isn't quite right yet.

It can be difficult to break away from your comfort zone and take a step in the direction of something new and exciting. But isn't that the point? Life isn't supposed to be easy. If it were easy, then we would never learn anything. You don't become smarter by sitting around all day.

So what is stopping you from going out and doing what you know you're supposed to be doing? What fear is holding you back from completing God's purpose for your life? We spend so much of our time on earth waiting. Do not wait any longer to take a chance and break free of your fear.

No tomorrow

Life is full of what-ifs and desires to go back in time and change something or do something differently. They say hindsight is 20/20, and I believe it. Thoughts of, "If only I knew then what I know now, I would have acted completely differently" take up space in our minds and cause frustration and even guilt.

I have always said I want to live my life like there's no tomorrow. That I want to enter Christ's holy presence knowing that I accomplished everything I was supposed to accomplish, that I lived life to the fullest. I yearn to hear the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" and know that I ran the race and sprinted through the finish line.

Last month, one of my sisters in Christ from my hall entered Christ's holy presence because of a tragic hiking accident. Suddenly, I was faced with the realization that, while I would never admit it before, I thought of myself as invincible. I can honestly say I am not afraid of death, because I know it will lead to eternity in heaven. However, I never think about how I will die. I never think that it could be in 70 years or it could be tomorrow. I realized that I live my life as if I will never face death.

The first few days after the accident, I struggled with asking God if Faith's death was just an accident, or if he had meant for her to die. I knew that nothing surprises God and he can use anything for his glory, but did he really plan this? Or do some things in life just happen?

After days of struggling with this thought, God showed me that he indeed is in control of everything, and nothing is ever just an accident. Listening to the testimony of one of the girls who was with Faith that day, I realized how God will use anything to draw us to him and to make us realize that we were not created to rely fully on anyone or anything but him.

Once God snapped me back to the reality that there is no guarantee of how long he will keep me on this earth, I started thinking about everything I do during my day and how I live my life. He showed me that I have one reason for living - to glorify him through completing the purpose he has for my life. And who am I to decide when I have completed that purpose or when I need more time?

Faith taught me to take nothing for granted. To not be afraid to take every chance I have of showing Christ's love and telling others about the hope that I have. Because I plan on sprinting through the finish line.       

Ephesians 4:1

This verse encapsulates all of Ephesians chapter 4. I was reading it today, and it really hit me over the head with how I need to be living my life.

Ephesians 4:1 ~ "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

Such a simple verse when read quickly, but once you focus on what Paul is encouraging us to do, it takes on a whole new meaning.

This month I have realized how important it is to live each day like it's my last. What do I do on a daily basis that is worthy of my calling? We were all put on this earth for a reason. God has a purpose for all of us. Are we living our lives for the enjoyment that we get out of it? Or are we doing everything we can - from homework to witnessing to friends - to glorify Christ and fulfill the calling he has for our lives?

His hands and feet

“I had a breaking moment with (the thought of) ‘I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be a missionary. I want to go home.’”

Sitting across the table, Jess Berry readjusted the black rectangular glasses that framed her ocean blue eyes. Her blonde hair, swept up in a bun, sat at the back of her head with stray pieces falling gracefully around her face. Her scarf hung in loose folds around her neck, gently brushing against the sweater she styled.

“I had never expected to feel any of that,” Jess said as she remembered how she felt the first few days of her two month internship in Africa. “The Lord softened my heart eventually and broke me of all of that. I realized that I can’t love these people on my own. I love them and share Christ with them because that’s what God calls me to do.”

Recounting the two months she lived in Africa was not a difficult task for Jess as memories flooded forth and filled the space around her. Her passion became evident through her unfolding of memories as places came to life and the people she grew to know and love took shape before her. A precious African baby suffering from HIV came to life, his tiny body enveloped in a little blanket, fighting for his life. A grown man also came to life, sobbing from the heartache that accompanies the death of a child.  

Jess described how her love and desire for missions originated at the age of 17 after stumbling upon a YouTube video depicting starving children. This was the first time she realized how poverty was affecting millions of children around the world.

“I would just watch YouTube videos over and over and just cry,” Jess said. “I feel like the Lord began to develop a passion in me to help, to do something about it.”

The chance to live out her dream came the summer of 2011 with an internship opportunity in Mozambique, Africa. When she listened to a health student speak in one of her classes at Liberty of his experiences in Mozambique as an intern helping the sick, Jess said she knew that this was the opportunity she had been waiting for.

“I (wanted) to go see for myself what (poverty) was and what my part was in all of it…I knew for me it was going to be figuring out for long-term where I fit into this. I know this is the heart of the Lord to help these people, to love these people, to love the poor. I know the Bible says that and I know this is my passion, but I don’t know where I fit into all of that. And so that was a huge part of going to Africa.” 

Preparing for this venture came in different forms through mental, physical and spiritual growth. The smile faded from Jess’s lips as she described how she knew that she was about to face destitution in both physical and spiritual forces that would challenge her beyond anything she had experienced.            

“I had dealt with the problem of evil and…unnecessary suffering theologically in my mind. I’ve been through those classes. I know all the answers when people ask ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ I know the answers to that, but when I went there and saw it for myself…a lot of the generic theology I had developed was shattered when I was actually confronted with evil and suffering. I feel like I had to wrestle with the Lord on that.” 

This unnecessary suffering came in the form of Joao, an 8-month-old with HIV who suffered the fate that millions have suffered before him. Describing this infant with a soft look in her eyes, Jess smiled at the memory of holding Joao for the first time.    

“He was wrapped in a little blanket and he was so tiny and I thought ‘He has to be a newborn, he has to have just been born…’ I started to realize his face was really sunken in and I realized his breaths were really shallow and I (knew) there was something really off about the baby. I pretty much knew…that he was going to die.”  

Coming back week after week for treatment at the Tessa Grace Nutrition Center where Jess worked, Jess formed a special bond with Joao as she prayed over him and held him in her arms. With the help of translators, Jess held conversations with Joao’s father. She learned that Joao’s mother died giving birth and his father also had HIV.

“The whole situation broke my heart,” Jess said with a heavy sigh. “When Joao was getting bad I went and saw him in the hospital. It was just terrible. It was just a few days later that…one of the other missionaries came and told me that Joao had died.”

Jess described Joao’s funeral as horrible. His father held back no emotions as he wailed in the streets for his son. People followed the car carrying the casket down the street, paying their respects for the baby that was no longer suffering. Jess struggled with the fact that millions of babies die this way every day. She described that she wrestled with the Lord, asking Him why He let this happen. 

“He revealed to me that He brought missionaries here for a purpose,” Jess said. “He’s bringing people here to help Him. This is His heart and He chooses to work through us even though He doesn’t need us…I was reminded of the calling of ‘I brought you here to see this so that you might do something. So that you might be my hands and feet because I choose to use people.’” 

Daniel McDonald, also an intern on this trip to Africa, noticed how Jess was moved to help people in need, both physically and spiritually. As he recounted his memories from Africa, Daniel’s eyes lit up with passion. His hands talked with his words as he leaned forward for emphasis. Occasionally he rubbed his hand across the beard that shadowed his face, digging deeper into each memory. He recalled how he watched as Jess learned how God reveals His sovereignty to His faithful servants.     

“You see this poverty…and you see that one person can’t change all of this,” Daniel said. “It was really tough for her to perceive that one person can’t do all of that. She was stretched to pray for those people and to trust that the Lord’s in control and that she can’t heal all of them. There are people that are sick and that are going to die. I remember she talked about God’s sovereignty and that was a major part of her time there.”

Struggling with the sight of suffering and death, Jess had to soften her heart and allow God to show her that the poor are part of His purpose. She experienced multiple situations where she saw how God calls His people to minister to those in need.

“There are hospitals there where the natives are basically on their death beds,” Daniel described, his eyes widening and growing serious. “We went and fed them soup. (Jess) was shocked from this picture of people on their death beds…they’re lying there and you can see their bones sticking out. She was challenged and grown to the point of (knowing) that there are so many people in need, not just physical need, but in need of the gospel. I think that was something that really grabbed a hold of her.”

Upon returning to the U.S., Jess realized how much Americans hoard their material belongings. She became filled with the desire to give and began the process of creating a fundraiser called “Joao Bags.” Her words picked up speed and her hands began to speak along with her words as she described this fundraiser. She hopes to raise funds and purchase fabric for the women in Africa to create bags to sell in the U.S. in order to raise money for the Tessa Grace Nutrition Center.

“This is what I want to pour my life into,” Jess said. “(I want to) bring funds to the nutrition center and expand it.”    

Jess did not expect to struggle with feelings of selfishness or questions asking why God would let a precious little boy die. She did not expect that within the first few days of being in Africa she would have the desire of returning home. But Jess watched as God revealed Himself to her in different ways and grew to accept that God exposes people to hardships for a reason. Because Jess softened her heart and listened when God spoke to her, she is now able to share her experience with others and do what she can to help spread the blessings that she has received to those that are in need.

Teachings from a toddler

A few weeks ago, one of my sisters and I babysat a 2-year-old girl. Her mom had gone to a doctor’s appointment, and we were left with the talkative, high-energy little blonde. She knows me and my sister, so when her mom gave her a kiss and headed out the door, Lydia kept right on playing with her plastic stove, sticking plastic grapes into the plastic oven and then presenting them to each of us as if she just created the chef’s special.

After lunch, her energy kicked into high gear, and she began to run back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. She just kept on running back and forth, back and forth, laughing the entire time and squealing whenever my sister or I caught her. I do not understand how little kids can do this without stopping to take a breath.

The game continued for about 10 minutes before something unexpected happened. As she was running from the living room to the kitchen, we heard the patter of her feet come to a dead stop right before she burst into tears. As my sister and I rushed to her side to figure out what caused this sudden turmoil, we heard through sobs one word: Mommy.

I was confused as to why she chose that particular moment to process the idea that her mom was not in the house with her. Why she realized this more than an hour after her mom left is still a mystery to me. The point is, that was the moment she decided to feel unsafe without her mom. She did not like the fact that her mom was nowhere to be seen, and she was left with two girls that could never take the place of her mommy.

Thinking back on this later, I realized how I can do the same thing with God at times. I can become high off of energy, running around and not paying attention to anything but myself. I focus on the things I need to accomplish, and I make my own plans for how to accomplish them.

But it is in those moments that I realize how badly I need God. I realize that I cannot keep up at this pace without him. That I cannot do anything without him. When I don’t hear his voice right away, I panic or feel frustrated at his silence. I never think about the fact that he might be teaching me something in his silence. I never think about the fact that he has put people in my life to guide me through these times of silence.

True, God never leaves us, but he can answer us with silence at times. I know from personal experience how exasperating it can be to cry out to God only to realize that I have to wait before he answers my plea. But he never leaves me alone.

Once we learn to trust God in his silence, it is much more rewarding when he breaks that silence with the fulfillment of his promise that he never leaves us nor forsakes us. The moment Lydia heard the front door opening, her face lit up and she ran to greet her mom. Her chubby cheeks now held a smile instead of tears, which were long forgotten.

When God speaks to me after a period of silence, I pray that I will not throw accusations at him for appearing to leave me alone. I pray that I will run into his open arms with joy and thanksgiving, knowing that he never leaves me nor forsakes me.       

Matthew 11:28-30

Do you feel as if you're treading water and barely able to keep your head above the waves? This verse might be just the life vest you need!

Matthew 11:28-30 ~ "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

What a relief! Sometimes it seems as if every single day there are multiple burdens that are added to my already shaking shoulders. But Jesus promises to give us rest. There are days when I just don't believe that his yoke is easy, and I attempt to carry my own burdens in my own way. But coming to Christ with my burdens is like grabbing onto the side of a raft after treading water for too long. The relief that pours through my muscles is glorious. My reasons for trying to struggle on my own sink beneath the waves as I cling to Christ, my stronghold. 

Lightning bolts and storm clouds

I love adventure. The thrill of the unknown and unfamiliar brings out a part of me that’s both exciting and a little reckless. One of my favorite places is the airport. The sense of adventure is so strong that you can almost taste it. The most exciting aspect of airports is knowing that I’m about to embark on my own adventure. Just the plane ride itself is full of excitement for me.

Despite the stuffy air, interesting smells and cramped spaces of an airplane, I can be completely content as long as I have a window seat. My absolute favorite part of flying is looking out the window and being able to see the twists and turns of the highways, the curves of the rivers and the clouds that are so thick beneath you, you could sit on them. It makes the earth seem so huge and the lives we live below seem so small.

One of the most amazing things that I have ever seen during a flight was when I was coming back from Mexico one summer. After watching the sun go down, which was amazing in and of itself, the sky became so dark that the black clouds and the sprinkle of the city lights below were the only things I could see. And then the storm began.

We were far enough away from it that it didn’t really affect our flight, but we were close enough to be able to watch it. I remember looking out my window at one particular cloud as the lightning began. I watched as the bolt escaped the cloud and then disappeared just as quickly. The same process happened again and again, and each time I was just as captivated.

I realized in that moment how amazing our God is. You know these things in your head, but when you get to experience firsthand something amazing like that and realize that he is in control of it all, that he created it all, it really puts you in your place. Watching the storm rage from above the clouds made me feel small. It made me realize that I am not in control of my life the way that I think I am. I cannot control the storms that come, and I cannot control where and when the lightning will strike. That sentence would be so frightening to me if it just ended with that period. But praise God it doesn’t! I do not have to be afraid of the storm. I can’t control it, but God is always in control. I can ride the adventures of this life without being afraid of the storms that come.

Galatians 6:8-9

I absolutely love the writings of Paul. He knew exactly how to say things in a way that really hits home for me. After studying his life, I appreciated his words even more. I highly encourage everyone to learn more about the life of Paul if given the chance. These two verse were written by Paul as a reminder of how important our actions are when it comes to eternal life.

Galatians 6:8-9 ~ "The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

So much truth packed into just two sentences! These verses remind me that, whatever I do, there will be a consequence or a reward. As fun as pleasing, or giving into, my sinful nature is, it's only going to bring destruction. And that's just not worth the pleasing feeling that my sinful nature can give me!


I love how Paul says that doing good can cause us to become weary. That is so true! It's hard to do the right thing and can easily tire a person. And not only can doing good cause weariness, but it can also cause impatience. But if a harvest is reaped too soon, then it will not be worth anything. It will be ruined. I would rather have to wait a little longer to reap a harvest on God's timing instead of ruining the entire harvest by reaping it when I think it's time.  

Happy New Year?

As the new year rolls in, I can't help but think about everything that transpired over this past year. The good, the bad and the ugly. I've heard it said that with the entrance of a new year, each person is given a clean slate. This new year is a fresh start where anything could happen. Whatever happened this past year no longer matters, because everyone gets a new year to do things right. New resolutions, new diet plans, new promises.

Don't get me wrong, I think the idea of a fresh new start is great. However, I also think that it can be a little misleading. The start of a new year brings new promises and new motivations, yes. But the idea that everything from the past year is wiped clean because it is now a fresh new year can be a deceptive fantasy. Come Jan. 1, pretty much the only thing that is fresh and clean is my new calendar!

Despite the cliches of a fresh start with a new year, the hard truth is that the old year carries over for each and every day of that new year. The hurt from broken relationships doesn't magically disappear when the clock strikes 12. Neither does the fear of what the future will or will not bring for this year.

But you know what also carries over to the new year? All of the true relationships that will never die. The new friendships that bloomed. The lessons that were learned. I have learned so much through the hurt, the heartache and the mental battles that I faced this year. I don't want to have that wiped off my slate. I went through various fires, and Jesus helped me to walk out of each and every one. I wouldn't give that up for a million new starts.

I guess the lingering question is this: Do I want a new start that wipes the slate clean, allowing me to forget? Or do I want a start that gives me new beginnings while allowing me to remember and cherish the tough times? Because with hurt comes lessons and healing. And forgetting means having to relearn those lessons all over again. I choose the latter.