The truth about gossip

The other day, my brother said he has observed something about girls. “They act like they’re all best friends. They’re always hugging, laughing, telling each other they love them, but the second they’re with a different group of girls, they start talking about how annoying and frustrating those other girls are. It drives me crazy, and I don’t get it.” 

One of my sisters and I said that all girls are like that, no matter the girl and no matter the circumstance. It was an automatic response, one that did nothing to ease his frustration but probably only caused more frustration because of our lack of a solution. In my head, I was thinking that there is nothing you can do about it. Girls will be girls and gossip and slander are practically second nature. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but what can change that?

Looking back on this, I am ashamed of how I brushed this aside as normal female behavior. As my brother was talking, I had a slight pang of guilt, but I brushed it aside, thinking that I am not as bad as most girls. But does that make it any less wrong? 

As I sit here writing this, I am convicted of how often I gossip and slander others. People hide behind the lie that gossiping is not that bad if you are only talking among close friends and if you don’t do it all the time. I am amazed at how Satan has perfected this lie in my own life. And the funny thing is, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of gossip. I know the pain and hurt that it can bring. I have lost a friend because of the “harmless” gossip that people love to spread. And yet I do it myself.  

Why is it that people do not hesitate to talk behind others’ backs but get hurt and frustrated when they find out that people have been talking behind their own back? Why is gossip so appealing? 

One of the main reasons that people gossip is because it makes them feel better about themselves. If they can talk and laugh about someone else’s mistakes or problems, then their own problems do not seem as bad at that moment. But how does this help? When that conversation is over, the old problems are still right there with us. We have not made anything better for our own problems by picking apart the problems of others.

Gossip is far from harmless. Proverbs 18:8 and Proverbs 26:22 say “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.” Proverbs 20:19 says “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” These are just two consequences of gossiping. 

The first consequence is so important that it was repeated. Gossip is not innocent. It does not affect only the conversation at hand. It affects everyone involved and will hurt the subject of the gossip. 

Another consequence involves your reputation. Do you want to be known as the one who cannot keep a secret? Do you want to be known as the woman who cannot be trusted with any kind of personal information? Because the more you gossip and slander, the faster your reputation will spread as someone who can’t be trusted. 

In Psalm 41, David talks about his enemies. He says that when an enemy comes to see him, his enemy speaks “falsely, while his heart gathers slander; then he goes out and spreads it around.” I challenge you to not become like one of these slanderers.   

I am afraid that I do not have any concrete solutions to this problem. Saying that gossip hurts and does not satisfy is much easier written than put into practice. I wish I could give a step by step plan that would cure everyone from gossip. But I can’t. 

I can, however, leave this advice: Be in constant prayer about it. When you have the urge to spread some slander, give it to God and ask for his help. He always gives you the strength to stand up under your temptations. You just have to be willing to accept that strength and to stand.     

                                                                                  

Following God's call

In today’s day and age, it is entirely too easy for young women to dress in a way that draws the wrong kind of attention and turns heads for the wrong reasons. Midriffs and cleavage are practically screaming at young women from the clothing stores, the cover of magazines and the heart of Hollywood. 

Standards for purity in dress have declined over the years and are continuing to decline as young women allow themselves to be sucked into what is now called “fashion.” How do we, as Christians, set the example for young women to be fashionable and modest at the same time? Sarah Joyner, a senior at Liberty University, has started to do her part to get this message across.

In 2011, Sarah Joyner, along with Ruth Gomes, decided she was no longer going to sit back and watch as Christian women let themselves get sucked into the lie that society was feeding them about dressing immodestly. The result of this decision was a fashion blog entitled Fearlessly Chique. As its name states, Fearlessly Chique, which contains a mixture of the words “unique” and “chic,” is about encouraging fashionable Christian women to stand in fear before God without fear before man.

Sarah, who is the overseer of this blog and the main writer, said she used to struggle with finding somewhere to pour her passion. She was at a loss until she was directed to Jeremiah 29:11-13, which says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’”  

“(I) spent time praying and asking God to show me his plan for my life,” Sarah said. “I asked him to give me passion about something, knowing that I loved fashion and that I was good at business. Once I prayed this, I heard his answer loud and clear. He told me that he had delivered me out of captivity, and that I need to promote modesty to teenage girls.” 

And that is exactly what she has been doing ever since.   

Fearlessly Chique is a mixture of modest fashion tips, devotionals and opinions about modesty from a guy’s point of view. There are too many girls in today’s society that think that dressing modestly means covering up from neck to toe. There are also too many girls who think that dressing fashionably means wearing the latest trends that show too much skin. Fearlessly Chique proves both these stereotypes wrong.                                                                         

What makes this blog different from any other fashion blog? Yes, it promotes modesty, but it does not stop here. Each week, Sarah writes a devotional that has been placed on her heart to share. 

“Modesty is a balance,” Sarah said. “If girls focus too much on the inward, they can become legalistic. If girls focus too much on the outward, then they can become apathetic. When both these focuses are mixed together, they bring glory to God.” 

Sarah uses this concept to write inspiring devotionals to tell girls how cherished they are by their creator. The devotionals are not completely focused on fashion because Sarah said wants to share not only her sense of fashion, but also her love for the Lord.

Sarah and the other writers of Fearlessly Chique could easily stick to fashion advice and leave it at that. But they have heard the call of God and are responding to that call. They have seen the need that has arisen for encouraging young women to dress in a way that does not send the wrong message and that does not cause others to stumble. They also want to encourage young women to find their identity and contentment in Christ and not in the attention they can get from dressing provocatively. 

“If girls keep on fighting and searching for their contentment in the attention that they can get from dressing like that, then they will end up in a never ending circle,” Sarah said. “We can’t find our completeness in that. Satan gets into our minds and tells us that we can find contentment in this, but the world will continue to change the meaning of contentment. God’s love doesn’t change, and he loves us despite everything we’ve ever done. If girls start to seek God’s love instead of the world’s love, then they will find the contentment that they seek.” 

                                                                            

The little things

What goes through your mind when you hear the two words "give blood"? These words are small in size, but cause a variety of reactions when said aloud. 

One of the most common responses is, “No I can’t do that!” Some other common responses that you’ll hear are, “I can’t stand needles,” “I get sick too easily,” or, my personal favorite, “I don’t get paid for it, and it’s not like there isn’t enough blood to go around. So why should I give blood?” 

In the grand scheme of things, for the donor, giving blood is not a big deal. It takes a few hours of your time and then you get up, walk out the door and carry on with your life. But how many of us stop and think about the other end of the process? How many of us think about the person who needs that blood? I know I do.

I used to be one of those people who didn’t think twice about giving blood. In fact, I never thought about it at all. Until I was 14, and I became the person on the other end of the process. Before then, giving blood was such a trivial thing that I never thought about it. But it’s not. Six years ago, two people gave blood and saved my life. Giving blood doesn’t seem like such a small act anymore.

How many things do we pass over, ignore and walk by without noticing because we think they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Our culture is so focused on doing the least amount of work for the greatest amount of gain that we forget about the things that can actually make a difference. 

I have to admit that I try not to pay attention to commercials that ask for donations for starving children. I glance away as the images of bloated stomachs and protruding rib cages travel across the screen to the sound of music that is meant to pull at your heart strings. Too often I find myself saying that if I cannot change the way something is, I might as well not even bother. I willingly allow myself to believe the lie that my small contribution will not make a difference. 

Do not fall into this trap. Do not let yourself believe that you can’t make a difference. Will you be able to provide food for every starving child? No. But that does not mean you cannot give a small donation. And making a difference doesn’t always mean going on missions trips or sponsoring a child. It could be helping to carry groceries for your neighbor, it could be giving your friend $10 for a missions trip or it could be keeping someone company when they’re sick. 

It doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is that you do not tell yourself you are not important enough to make a difference, and that you do it.

To this day, I still think about the fact that there are two people out there somewhere who, six years ago, sat in a chair for a few minutes and did something that they might have thought was not that big of a deal. They might not even remember the day that they gave blood. It was such a little thing that they did not bother to tuck it away in their memory, and it has slipped through the cracks. But the 14-year-old girl lying in the hospital bed didn’t think that it was such a little thing. 

Isn’t that how it works most of the time? We don’t think we can make a difference in this world, but we can. We just have to realize that the little things are not so little. They actually can be life changing actions - just wrapped in small packages.